How old were you when you first experienced symptoms of sz or sza? It doesn’t have to be positive symptoms.
I first experienced depression from my ptsd while in middle school and high school. I tried to kill myself while I was in high school then again my freshman year at college. When I was a junior at college just 4 classes short of graduating with an Associates degree in computer electrical engineering, I started hearing voices. So I quit school and got a job. First and second shift weren’t so bad it was third shift where I lost my mind. The voices got worse, started mocking me. I was 22 years old in 2009 to early 2010. I was found in the back room hiding in a clothes rack. They got me out and then they fired me. I had great insurance before I was fired I guess they didn’t want me to use it.
In april 2010 I was hospitalized for the first time, I hated it but it was necessary.
I was four the first time I saw creatures, but it didn’t affect me until 12-13 when I started hearing voices and identifying those and what I saw as demons. Depression and self-harm started at that time as well.
Probably it was initiated sometime after I fell and banged my head when I was like 4 being an idiot not listening to people who knew better than me at the time. I don’t remember how many days after but the first thing I remember that I now know was a hallucination was random blotches of color appearing and disappearing everywhere in my field of vision that more tinted the thing behind it than obscured it.
@Hedgehog, I saw a gargoyle around that time and he said he was a friend to protect me from the demons I saw and heard. Problem was once I started risperidone he disappeared and didn’t return until starting a higher dose of Haldol.
@schizofriendia after my partner was in the hospital and the stress caused me to see little monsters that I call gremlins. They are grey almost white. Their front arms are longer than their back legs they remind me of gorillas but terrifying and much uglier. They have sharp teeth, and are small about the size of rat or a big mouse. They skitter across the walls and ceiling.
The gremlins you described @cbbrown sound truly horrifying. I’m genuinely sorry you have to put up with that. Damn, that’s disturbing. If I could stop it, I would. (((HUG)))
I first heard voices when I was 12. I had just had a big fight with my dad, and as I ran away, I heard a voice command me to “Go back. Kill them both. Kill them now!” I tried to shoot my dad and step-mom, but my dad physically prevented me from getting access to the guns.
@schizofriendia, I get it. I remember seeing things as kids that were just illusions and no body believed me that I saw something they just yelled at me to go back to sleep. Then the day after I got out of the hospital I heard a snake under the couch and refused to get off the couch, Everyone just thought I was acting silly no one believed me.
@anon40540444, thanks for the hug. I can’t imagine hearing voices so young. I’m sorry. (((HUG))). I had problems with depression and anxiety from the ptsd but just imagining hearing the those voices at 12. I’m glad your dad was able to stop you. 12 is too young to go to jail.
Well in my case it’s excusable until I got older and my weird traits were no longer explainable by childhood imagination. Then it’s just sheer stupidity that they continue to deny it like with the people you referred to.
It was mostly my brother and his friends who were visiting, They laughed at me and I think I embarrassed my brother. My partner was the only one who believed me, I had to jump off the couch out of the range of the snake under it.
If I were in your shoes I would actually get mad and try to throw the thing outside where it belongs. But then there were weird things happening at the mall where I used to work that other people told me about before they even knew it happened to me too which culminated in banging on the walls late one night in the break room and I got mad and started hitting everything yelling “I CAN MAKE NOISE TOO YOU MORON!!” and then funny enough like a bully who had their victim lash out at them, it didn’t know what to do anymore and went away.
(I actually called it a mother fucker but I wrote moron the first time I told this story because I didn’t realize at the time the forum would only censor fucker.)
If people honestly knew I just get mad at seemingly supernatural disturbances and lash out as best as I can at it instead of getting scared and freezing up, people probably wouldn’t be trying to harass me in public if I’m not even gonna take the ■■■■ of a “scary” phenomenon. rofl
My old therapist suggested something like that. I was on the bus and I told Devon ( one of voices) to go away and the person sitting next to me moved. I felt bad but Devon was quiet for awhile.
I’ve always just argued with my voices with my thoughts because the voices point of origin sounded like it was in my head and they apparently knew my thoughts anyway as they responded appropriately basically.
I can’t say I was always as stupidly brave with them because when they were threatening my well being it was before I got fed up with BS and just get mad at things.
I guess it really says something about how fed up I am that I just get mad at unexplained things acting like assholes when I know full well I have no clue how it could react to me in turn and I could probably get assaulted if it got mad enough and even does that and I’d have no way to stop a nonphysical entity.
I was 10 years old the first time I heard and voice and it was just one voice and I only heard it once and awhile so I assumed that it was like my “subconscious” but then a few more voces developed and then a few more and by the time I was 12 years old I heard up to 40-50 voices non stop and saw shadow demons. So that when I finally went to see a doctor and started medications. Now I am 22 years old and hear 100 different voices and still see the shadow demons and have delusions. It just goes to show that it developed different for everyone!
Schizophrenia they found is actually the result of eight different genetic disorders acting in concert with each other I guess. This is why the illness varies so much between each person.
I thought I killed my cousin with my thoughts when I was 11. 18 and I was hearing a young woman screaming at me. Wasn’t fun. Didn’t know what psychosis was. Bad times. Became insane. Regained most of my sanity. Still have a little trouble with what is real or not, mostly when people seem to say odd things that don’t fit in or make sense.
I don’t exactly remember if this experience was the first time since I started going through psychosis so long ago and at such an early age, but I believe that my first experience happened shortly after my dad scared me when I was a toddler. Either that or when I was six years old or older.
