Hi everyone ! I wanted to thank all that supported me in my previous posts, it really helped, and I’m here for an update!
I finally have a competent psychiatrist that a friend recced me after my hospital stay.
It turns out that (to no surprise to me, even though official medical pov is nice) I have a psychotic disorder, and most likely paranoid schizophrenia. It’s a relief to at last be set, my awareness of my condition having been a setback on diagnosis in the past.
(as an offnote, I was wondering if other people are aware of the fact that their delusions are not real ? Because I feel like medical teams treat us like idiots. I know that I am deluded because other people don’t see or hear or feel what I feel, and when I stop to think rationally, being convinced that cameras are watching me is pretty stupid, because who would set cameras in my house? and so forth. But I was told that awareness was incompatible with schizophrenia. What do you think ?)
Anyway I also have depression, due to the fact that diagnosis was so hard to obtain and that I had a pretty miserable time with my voices.
Aspergers may also be on the table, but I have to wait a long time (around 2 years) for official diagnosis.
I have meds appropriate to my condition now, and my life has been greatly improved. I don’t cry everyday, I no longer hear invasive voices, I’m not stressed out all the time, I can leave my house without thinking someone is going to kill me. The voices tell me the meds are just a placebo, but they’re pretty easy to ignore.
I’ve also been able to go to school without breaking down and tomorrow I’ll start an internship working for a video game, I’m pretty pumped and excited.
My relationships have also improved especially with my bae. My family has been pretty accepting, mostly because my hospital stay gave them a scare. I haven’t talked about sz with my father yet because of the stigma but my mom and granma were pretty chill (the novelty and shock weren’t really there since it was all used up when my cousin ‘came out’ as sz)
Only downs have been the weight gain (15kgs but I’m not too worried, I used to be underweight), the tiredness, the loss of focus. The tiredness is really problematic but my doctor told me we’d look to switch to something less aggressive. I’ve also lost a big chunk of my ability to draw, but overall I’m pretty happy, happier than in the ten miserable years I’ve been hearing voices for.
So here it is, I’m finally getting to have my life back, it was worth hanging on, cheers everyone and ty for reading !
