Feeling Lost

Hello, new to the forum. I have been lurking for a while… A few months ago my husband and I came to realize that I have sz. It terrifies me. I have two young children and while I am high functioning now (most of the time) what happens in a few years? I am afraid of doctors and therefore afraid of medicating. I have no idea where to go from here. It kills me to think that I may be a burden on my family! On top of that, my husband is clinging to the ideathat it may be demons instead of sz… I ddon’t even remotely believe that it’s demons. He is supportive of my getting help. Where do you even start?

Hello and welcome to the forum. I hope you find some answers that you’re looking for. I’m sorry your husband thinks its demons and not a chemical imbalance in the brain.

You say you are afraid to see a doc… I get that, but you might want to try to talk to someone so you know what your fighting off.
Sz is not the only illness that has psychosis, Bipolar, and other illnesses can cause a psychotic break. Depression can mimic our negative symptoms.

I’d say the first thing is also to find out as much about this illness as you can so you know what symptoms your in store for.

I really do hope you can maybe e-mail a doc or talk to a nurse and get on the path of find out for sure what your diagnosis is.

I personally accept my diagnosis, and I do what my doc says and I am on meds. But I also encourage people to not avoid docs so they get some real answers about what they are going through.

This is to important and too confusing to try and self diagnose.

Good luck. I’m rooting for you.


You “came to realize”. Whose expertise was it?

I’m sorry, I should have clarified. I have spoken to a psychologist who diagnosed me with several things, sz being the major one (major in my mind I guess) but, she wants me to go to a psychiatrist that she picked and I am not keen on that since I don’t appreciate her much… I just want to be sane. A psychotic break isn’t what brought me here. I have had several over the years, but, my husband and I just ignored it or treated it like something else. It is complicated and a long story. How do I go about finding my own psychiatrist? And can it be done without meds?

Well, doctors do list themselves in the yellow pages.
As far as meds go, it’s one of the most difficult things we szs have to do - to accept dependence on medication. But it will help you.


So you just go to different doctors? Wont the doctors be upset if you only see them onetime or a handful of times? What are the reprecussions if you stop going?

Welcome samples32,

I in all honesty am afraid of doctors too, this is very much a challenge for me. But being stable it is a whole heck of a lot easier to work with them in furthering my recovery from this illness. Yes I said work with them not follow their orders. I am lucky in only having really needed a very small dose of medication to keep the psychosis in check.

I have seen doctors who I didn’t particularly like or didn’t make me feel comfortable so I changed doctors. I have also seen nurse practitioners for my medication. I know the doctors I’ve seen recently have told me that they are more interested in how minimal a dose of anti-psychotic I need to stay stable and not how heavy a dose.

I have seen doctors once or twice and then switched for whatever reason and the repercussions were that I never heard from them again.

1 Like

So, I guess the mental health industry isn’t as bad as i’ve heard? Im sorry, I know this is jumbled, but, it’s been a rough week…

There are no repercussions if you explain that you are changing doctors because of an incompatibility and not just a hostile rejection of doctors in general. Get a doctor who you can give and take with. No sense feeling like a dog. I, too, share your fear of doctors. I see my pdoc because I have to, not because I want to.

It’s really what you make of it, mental health services that is. Yes there are those who have been hospitalized against their will or forced to take medication but this has never been me. Those are extreme circumstances in my experiences. But things CAN get to the point of extreme circumstances when it comes to unmedicated psychosis. So I would recommend you do maybe see a few psychiatrists, get a few opinions and see if there’s anyone you feel you can work with.

I know all this in a way, but, it’s nice to hear from people that have been there, thank you! I guess I will start calling Monday if I don’t chicken out. Is anyone else on here a mother or father of young children? How do you handle it with them? Does sz get worse? I have had some pretty rough things happen. A few times I should have been hospitalized, but, that was before I had children. My voices have gotten worse as of late, but, I dont know if it means anything?

She is right. Psychologists are not as reliable when it comes to diagnosing severe mental illnesses. Your best bet is to go see a psychiatrist. He or she will set up an evaluation, and you will get properly diagnosed. Do not over concern yourself with the diagnosis. Being honest with the psychiatrist is important, so that you get properly treated with the right medications - good luck! :smiley:

How do you tell them everything though? I have a hard time telking my own husband some of these things? How do you say it and not go hide behund a chair?

You don’t describe any of your symptoms. Maybe you could tell us about them and we can reccomend the best course of action

Psychiatry -the patient doctor relationship should be based on some level of honesty on the patients side.
If you go in there, especially during your evaluation and hide the truth or do not give him honest answers, you run the risk of being misdiagnosed or given the wrong medications. I would go into the evaluation (a series of questions) with an open mind - walk in there with notes, questions you may have for the doctor.
Walk in there prepared - and you will feel a lot better

1 Like

I hear voices constantly. Sometimes muffled, distinct, or many. I am afraid that I am actually a social experiment and that my husband and kids aren’t real. At the same time I think my husband is cheating and only keeps me around because he thinks it’s funny or feels sorry for me. I also think he can read my mind. I feel snakes and bugs crawling on me frequently. I can’t go anywhere without thinking everyone is laughing at me or talking about me. I get confused about everyday tasks. I am unable to articulate very well (I used to speak in seminars) I don’t have any drive to take care of myself. I despise myself. I obsess over things happening tp my family and visualize it graphically so that I spend hours crying and thinking it happened. Most frighteningly, I cut myself but dont remember it (this I haven’t told…) I say things without meaning to. I panick all the time. I have a hard time focusing. I have false memories and contradict myself. I laugh innappropriately and cry for no reason. I itch… A lot. I get frustrated with small tasks to the point of anger. I have different perceptions of reality at different times… The list goes on.

Welcome to the Forum~~
You have children–BIG incentive to get help.
Your husband already knows? It would be great to get him on board for help and support. I know it`s hard to find a doctor you can trust, but keep looking.
maybe a referral from your family doctor.
This site has all kinds of great information.
Hope all goes well for you!

1 Like


It is hard to trust a pdoc. I have started writing letters to her because I can’t talk about my voices and anxiety.

I have two kids. They are 9 and 13 now. I had a major break 4 years ago and was hospitalized for 6 months. My husband had to take care of everything. He is afraid I will have another episode. But I’ve learned the signs and take care of it before I get lost in my mind.

I hear voices too. It is hard, but never ever do what the voices tell you!


Welcome @samples32

You can find some very useful information here:

Early Psychosis Treatment center information in these two links

Psychiatric Treatment Centers affiliated with Medical Schools in the USA