Hello. I am tired from the valium I took earlier. I had a day full of dread anxiety. A colleague who treats me like a special case has been monitoring my work. Not my boss, just a co-worker.
I have started taking abilify in addition to my invega and the abilify makes me feel like a car with a full tank of petrol but no spark plugs. I feel like I have energy but no motivation.
I don’t want to take any of them any more. I take them out of habit but I still saw bugs crawling all over Mr Turtle’s head on the weekend. I’ve been on medication since July last year and I just feel like it might have taken away the real horror shows but there are some residual horror shows still being played out in front of me. I’m still constantly on the run from spies, satellites etc. I can’t bear the feeling of my skin so I dowse myself in talcum powder whenever I have the chance. I have bugs and worms making nests under the skin on my face and all I can do is pick and rub at my face to stop the writhing.
No one really believes what I say when I am concerned about the co-worker. Mum thinks I am imagining it., I don’t even have the motivation to play with our kitten. I don’t know if I should give him up for fear of the landlord changing his mind and saying no pets and then where do I live? I might regret giving him up but maybe he would have a better chance of life with someone else.
I’m sorry for being so down. I know I am lucky in many many countless ways, everything I have complained about are things to be grateful for I know. But today I just feel flat and a bit hopeless. Does anyone else feel murky?