Feel like just giving up

Hello. I am tired from the valium I took earlier. I had a day full of dread anxiety. A colleague who treats me like a special case has been monitoring my work. Not my boss, just a co-worker.

I have started taking abilify in addition to my invega and the abilify makes me feel like a car with a full tank of petrol but no spark plugs. I feel like I have energy but no motivation.

I don’t want to take any of them any more. I take them out of habit but I still saw bugs crawling all over Mr Turtle’s head on the weekend. I’ve been on medication since July last year and I just feel like it might have taken away the real horror shows but there are some residual horror shows still being played out in front of me. I’m still constantly on the run from spies, satellites etc. I can’t bear the feeling of my skin so I dowse myself in talcum powder whenever I have the chance. I have bugs and worms making nests under the skin on my face and all I can do is pick and rub at my face to stop the writhing.

No one really believes what I say when I am concerned about the co-worker. Mum thinks I am imagining it., I don’t even have the motivation to play with our kitten. I don’t know if I should give him up for fear of the landlord changing his mind and saying no pets and then where do I live? I might regret giving him up but maybe he would have a better chance of life with someone else.

I’m sorry for being so down. I know I am lucky in many many countless ways, everything I have complained about are things to be grateful for I know. But today I just feel flat and a bit hopeless. Does anyone else feel murky?

I was feeling boggier than a swamp two days ago for a that week or so. I am sorry you are having that delusion. It sounds pretty terrible. The horror show hallucinations are by far some of the worst.

If the landlord hasn’t said anything, he probably won’t change his mind. I’m sure the kitten is happy to be with you. Kittiens like you no matter what :smiley_cat: .

I wish you the best of luck. Sending love and kittens.

thanks @Sharp how did the steampunk cosplay go on the weekend?

My day is usually filed with both good and bad things. I have fear, doubts, anger, and hopelessness every day. They usually crop up many times over the course of a day. But these feelings don’t completely stop me from living my life. I’m no better than anyone else, but I am luckier than a lot of people.

Today was OK. I’m looking forward to going to work tomorrow. I dread the future sometimes, other times I am hopeful. I think a lot of people feel how I do. I’m sorry you’re having a rough time, my symptoms are under control most of the time but I remember what it’s like to suffer and I wouldn’t wish the way I suffered on anybody. All I can say, is just keep taking your medication and talk to a doctor if you can. Try to be around people even if it hurts. No matter how much you hate it now, believe me, in the future it will pay off. Good luck. By the way, it’s smart and good that you feel a little lucky and grateful for what you have in life. Attitude is so important in life. A bad attitude can sink you, a good attitude can help you win and help you rise above your problems.

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It was a lot of fun! I got some really nice leather times by trading other stuff. I also was able to pick up some nice trinkets. I got some nice motors and pneumatic tools tools. I am super excited to make some functioning gear.

My friend and I got a ton of pictures taken with us which was pretty funny. She got a sweet necklace also. My favorite part was when we went for lunch over at a local shop and everyone in the shop was staring at us like wtf??? It was pretty hilarious. Thanks for asking.