Schizophrenia.com

Experienes that changes our lives

When I was about 13-14 I would always walk around with my head down staring at the ground. I was a reserved kid, and didn’t have much social experience. One day I was walking down the street with my hood on and out of nowhere a man comes up behind me and purposely scares the ■■■■ out of me. Then he says to me “how do you expect to hear people coming with your hood on and your head down?” I didnt know whether to run or stay but I answer the guy “I listen with my ears” once I said it I knew we both wanted to laugh seeing how easily I was scared. The next thing he said was “you cant listen with you ears alone… you have to see with you eyes and listen with your ears. Keep your head up kid.” He then asked me for a quarter and left. From that day on I took that guys advice and kept my head up. I wasn’t as withdrawn from the world, I would gain a lot of social experience looking back on that memory. He was a crazy wise old bum.

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one time I was walking up a tall steep ramp to the mathematics building on campus at OU…and as I was about to go inside I saw two little hands hanging on the side of the balcony rail…the rail was solid concrete so the boy didn’t see me approach him and grab his arms and body and pull him up over the rail…he was dangling there almost two stories up below him before I got him off the rail…I started berating him as not doing well doing what he was doing and he started crying and yelling at me and he got up and rode off on his bicycle…ever since then I think I really did save his life…and it cheers me up…thank you for making me think back.

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I was about 22, in hospital and finally some what stabilized and very apathetic and angry. I had sort of accepted my illness, but not in a good way. I was angry and somehow I had either made a mess or not even tried to prevent a mess of my room. This tiny nurse told me to clean it up. I made the mess, I had to clean it up.

I ranted at her about how I’m Sz. I’m a sick man. I shouldn’t have to do that, I’m am sick. She raised an eyebrow, marched up to me and very sternly said, “Your not special. Yes, your ill, you have Sz. But look around, you’re just like everyone else in here…”

It was the way she said, “your just like everyone else.” That somehow stuck with me. As I stayed behind cleaning a mess I made, something in my head just felt different.

That was when I sort of started turning my attitude around.

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I became psychotic right before my 19th birthday. My parents realized that I did a 180 very quickly. I was talking nonsense, not making sense at all. I was basically infatuated with this girl, working, and I didn’t sleep for a few weeks. Started to hallucinate, thought this woman was stalking me, I’d basically see her outside my house, delusions of grandeur, thought everyone knew who I was, thought I had become a secret agent, the whole 9 yards. My parents take me to the hospital, but while my mom was in the washroom, I snuck out and went on an adventure for about 6 hours, walking around the city. (Toronto)
I ended up in a womans house whos door was unlocked and she kind of resembled this girl I was in love with. I told her “I’m Adrian, you know me.” Anyways, I left her house, cops showed up, spent a few days in jail until the courts ordered me to get to a hospital, then I finally got bailed out by my dad. It was a hell of an experience. Is there a moral there?
Not really, but I wish I’d become psychotic again, because living in this pathetic existence is just torture. Is it a death wish? Sure, but I’d rather die.

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lol, I like this. That moment when a short woman pulls your card and gives you a response you’re not expecting.

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Sounds like my youth…I was always fat kid & tormented about it even by family & church. You know school was hell when parents tried the 3 outfit approach to getting girl to lose weight & shatter self esteem… I was told last years’ stuff would fit if I lost weight. I even had the nutritionist insulting me when she did not get results fast enough & my dad chewed her out.

I continued looking at the ground & keep mouth shut through high school…the school admins were letting the new gangsters in town recruit people at school & make inappropriate statements to the females. I studied shoes & kept mouth shut but got through it okay. Many of the females were so scared, mace & knives were common but this was 1990s. (Sad to note but this behavior was not against school rules until 15 years later…)

I later learned the eye contact & smile would open a lot more jobs career-wise so I changed my body language…I still have some folks who won’t look a fat lady in the face but I get to see what an ugly person that is much quicker than some females.

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I usually get one-liners from strangers that turn me around-usually regarding C.
Along time ago, I was on this site and was so distressed. Someone on here asked if I wanted to go to the chat room. I did-we messaged back and forth. She was kind of laughing with me about what was going on–and that chat with her kind of “normalized” and put some perspective on what was happening. I still got upset with what was happening with my son, but I always remember that now–it changes everything.
Wish I could remember who this was on this site…

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Maybe she was an angel, sent to help you in your time of distress… nothing more.

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When I was a little kid living in L.A. I had a friend named Howard. When we were both in second grade, a group of the most popular and cool kids approached me one day. They were led by an older kid named Mark Fury. He was the type of kid who would bully other kids and cause trouble but as soon as an adult was present he would switch into being polite and respectful, even calling all adults “sir” or “Ma’am”. It was all an act. He was a troublemaker. But anyway the group told me that they were going to go to jump Howard after school and beat him up. And they wanted me to join them. It was my chance to be with the “in crowd”. I agreed at first but then I had a change of heart. So I went and warned Howard about what they were planning on doing. And he stayed in his house. So the group found out and jumped me instead. Stole my lunch box and my sweater I was wearing. That changed my life. I was never popular with the cool kids again. After that moment, I was forever on the “outside looking in”. To this day. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve had some really cool friends since then. In fact all of my friends growing up and into adulthood have been cool people. But I’m always in the position of feeling lucky I hang around them. I’m never quite equal.

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