right now whats going through my mind is “i should kill myself before this feeling fades away and i start rethinking that action so then i will be certain that i will never feel like this again.” also when i start thinking about it i instantly have many other reasons for why i should do it.
i have felt this so many times that im pretty sure that since if im still alive after wanting to commit suicide so many times that i most likely will never be able to do it
ive been getting like this quite often for at least 7 months on and off now,
i was ok for like a week until a few days ago.
I had an attempt and it scared me so bad I’ve never considered doing it again. It’s just not normal to want to off yourself. It sounds to me that you’re not thinking that because of desperation but maybe just because you get hit with the inclination to think about it? Or do you get hit with sudden dread?
My attempt was caused by psychosis in my prodromal phase where I thought I was already dead and had to finish the job to follow through. When I got to the point of no return reality hit me and I got scared out of my mind, went to have my stomach pumped and ended up hospitalized for the first time in my life.
Talk to your doctor about it, medicine change might be able to help. There’s nothing worse you can do that try to off yourself. A lot of times people fail but succeed in injuring or crippling themselves for life.
Your family and loved ones would be devastated. Your condition always has the potential to improve in the future. Try to stay safe and talk to your support network if you can. If there’s anything I can do to cheer you up or help talk it out let me know.
Think of all the good memories you’ve had, and how many more good ones are in the future. Ice cream, video games, the sound of the radio while you’re cruising down the road… tacos, the smell of freshly cut grass, and friends. There’s so much to live for.
Also, I personally can’t do it on an AP alone. I need a mood stabilizier (since I have SZA) and an antidepressant (because sza is depressing as ■■■■). Have you considered asking your doctor about adding another medication? Or have you already tried that?
I always feel like you, I tried suicide 3 times, once I was very close to die from liver failure and intoxication, was in the emergency given antidote.
My only reason now to stop suicide is my parents.
They were in pain and cried when they knew I was close to die. I don’t know what Ill do when they die.
im still too afraid to take antidepressants even tho ive been prescribed them before because im worried about mania or a mixed episode (im not sure if ive ever experienced mania tho because i never really feel like really good just either terrible or manageably bad, even tho im not diagnosed with bipolar when i was on geodon which has ssnri effects as well as being an ap i felt like i had lost it. i was full of rage, self harming, and sleepless, along with feeling like i almost died because of heart interaction. i feel like i rather just feel like ■■■■ than risk going to that kind of crazy place again. ive never been on a mood stabilizer tho
Oh, I was thinking of trying Geodon, sorry to hear you had a bad experience with it. I got some similar side effects with Latuda though, especially feeling aggressive.
to you