There is a intellectual conversation that I for some reason have experienced.
Maybe in s dream because as a person I am not educated.
I wagged school s lot.
And even so my mind is as is.
I was not at home as child.
I was not in my body as such.
I have been mocked and ridiculed for not being educated or smart but one still deserves respect for who one is.
Even disabled people can have a great wisdom and truth to who they are in spirit and soul.
I may not be intellectually stimulated and may instead come across as retarded.
I knew someone who saw humour in that and found it funny.
It has been been devistating to me at times to not remember things that children all know from school and I do not know even if I once did I have forgotten it.
I can not stimulate my man intellectually although maybe on another level my soul and spirit can.
I truly try to focus on my ability and be grateful for it.
I am so grateful I can cook and bake and read and write and walk etc
I have been embarrassed when I do not know things that “every body should know”.
My bf showed me stars that every one knows and I knew at some point but had no idea now.
Some people really rubbed it in that I don’t know simple things that every one knows.
I do not know and I can get poor speach sometimes.
My father on paper has always been cruel in comments.
I said aorta was heart and he said "do you not even know what a aorta is it is on the hand but it comes from by heart I thought.
He embarrassed me loud and clear at cafe.
He also got angry when he played chess with me because I was so dumb and stupid.
I stopped playing chess.
The thought crossed my mind at what woman my man is meeting while he is away.
Big breasted and educated and stimulating because he can probably hold conversations with them that he can not with me.
I trust him .
I want us to be faithful to each other .
I believe I am forgiven my past when I was a sl##.
Others were making me because they steered me n was in my body I think maliciously.
I nolonger drink alcohol.i have improved myself and feel more like myself.
I still feel a angry one but I am good.
I avoid people but am hoping to be brave and go to church.
If can always leave if I am not well.
I am trying .
I do find it embarrassing to not be able to keep conversation well.
It is simple and apparently it is sometimes noticeable .
I want my man to be happy and pleased with me .
I understand he may have attraction to others with big breast and intellect but I believe he is still faithful and respectful to me .
He is best and I am amazed how great he is.
Proud of him.
I have loved ones that are Christian.
My horse is a Christian.
She gets up to mischief though.
I saw her wearing kukluxklsn outfit and I saw drugs in a rainforest.
She is a cheeky one and golly knows what she gets up to.
But she is a Christian.
I admit I do not understand it.
But I felt I want to believe and pray to believe as the morals might suit me too.
My thaught when I was christened was I can pray to become and believe it.
I do not believe in Islam for me although I was Muslim for one year as I thought my father was a Muslim but he was not my father on paper.
Buddhism does not suit me.
Scientology had some interesting thoughts.
But not for me.
Satanism is not for me either though it could be interesting.
They are atheists it says .
Yet a religion .
I read half a book about it but felt it best I not read anymore.
I did believe we have different species of who we are.
Romanticly all our nature energy and animals can be together in world.
My boyfriend s patterns are Christian and some family.
I thought I should try it.
Pray for it etc
I have been praying to God but with out any religion I know of.
I do feel aweful when I do not understand or know things people are talking about or when I go mute or poor speach.
On top of that having symptoms.
My man has been great with me.
I hope and pray our souls and spirits and bodies be united in marriage and he can see me beyond that.
I can only talk about simple things perhaps in person.
Yes it can be really embarrassing when I am unable to know things I learnt before kindergarten .
I spoke three languages as a child in some point and I enjoyed maths later on in life.
It is horrid feeling that and some people take advantage of that and try to suppress you while others try support and keep it simple .
Have I drifted away from the topic…
I can not remember.
I am sorry Ish.
Hope you are well.