I am having an issue with my husband and mother. It hasn’t exploded yet but it feels like it might soon and I don’t really know what to do about it because I have already sacrificed things in my life to not be a total burden and I’m at my capacity. Like I’ve reached my freaking LIMIT!
I used to drive. For like a small period. Maybe two years. And then my license was revoked for driving without insurance because I’m an aHole. So then I didn’t drive for a long time due to me having zero dollars to pay for my fine. And over the years I just grew more and more nervous to drive. And it isn’t one thing. It’s everything. It’s the car itself. The fears I’ve acquired around the car ignition. The fact that lives are at risk when I am driving and I need to pay attention which sometimes is impossible because of my hallucinations and cognitive symptoms. I have hand tremors that sometimes are very bad. And other drivers who don’t pay attention can kill me if my reaction time isn’t on point. Which it isn’t most days.
So I don’t drive. And it’s a burden on my husband and recently my mother because I’m trying to give my husband a break. No matter what I’ve said it’s still a hint that gets brought up.
Part of me feels responsible and hates that I am not fully independent but hen part of me remembers I live in this town FOR my husband. He grew up here I would prefer to live in the city. I wouldn’t need to drive there. And that I do a lot of things for both of them without ever complaining. I thought family supported each other but it feels like I’m the only one who doesn’t give the other a hard time and everyone else always wants to feel like such a hero. Sometimes I think that if they had my dx for one week they would see things so differently and see how supportive I am in return.
Part of me thinks I should just drive.
Does anyone else not drive or have these issues. Does anyone else have these issues but drive anyway? How do you do it? Do you ignore voices hallucinations and fears?
M town is such a hillbilly town there is no taxi. The closest grocery store is 20 mins one way drive and hospital/doctor which I see a lot is 30 mins one way.
I never learned. No one in town was wiling to let me use their car and 2-3x a month on my aunts car (she couldn’t come here any more often) wasn’t enough. I was pretty sedated back then too.
It doesn’t matter as I don’t have money to pay for a car nor anyone willing to buy me one.
I suppose if I can get a part time job and save up the money, I probably have better wherewithal to drive properly. But that’s years off.
I’ve quit driving for the past couple years, but it was just a short respite as I’m about to get my license back.
driving seemed like no big deal when I was younger but it seems so dangerous now. and then there’s all the cost like you mentioned insurance, upkeep, saving for a new car every 10 years, gas.
I’ve enjoyed my time away from driving, if I still lived in the old neighborhood I would not drive but I’ve moved out away from the city and will have to commute to work and grocery store.
I hear ya’! I’m in the North but it’s super rural. We have public transportation but the one I can afford sucks. I have to go 30 min. to see my pdoc too. We have grocery stores but there’s no selection and bad prices. Everybody pretty much drives 30 min. to get them at WalMart.
Now I have Terrible thoughts of drivin when NOT driving …,like at the house relaxing …,at one point of my Sz I was scared to drive period … it was bad then tho … I was also scared to take my meds in pill form because I thought they were gonna grow hands and block my esophagus when I swallowed …, same with my food … lol I was such a silly girl … but I enjoy driving long distances now … the thoughts are limited now…
Not a single thing. I mean technically I guess I could call the closest city taxi which I have done to get home from hospital once. It cost me $80. And I couldn’t afford to tip.
I can’t drive because of my heart. Plus before I found haldol the visual hallucinations were too vivid and it wouldn’t be safe for me to drive anyways.
I still have my license, though. Just for emergencies. Because it would be way harder to get it back later than to keep it up to date.
It’s a little depressing for me in a non clinical sense. I really can’t do much independently. I can try the cheap transportation that forgets people. I will have to in order to work.
It’s hard living far from things with no transport. I would prefer city. Driving is expensive and dangerous and I think I could go my entire life without doing it. What’s so wrong with that? Just because so many people do it doesn’t mean I have to?
I feel you. Just going to the grocery store and doctor eats half my day. My husband despised the city and says he will NEVER live there. How come I can’t just say I will NEVER drive and hats end of discussion as well?
I somehow passed a driving test and had a license, but I didn’t drive with it, and let it elapse. I want to pass the test again once I can afford a car, and have a good reason to use it every other day.