Yeah, I think I just have problems with knowing what to do when I am not studying. I used to get up to no good, big time trouble…so it’s like I am afraid of reverting to drinking and doing drugs and crap, that and the promiscuity was dangerous as hell. All of those at once was my favorite. And all of those at once is like getting really good progress in digging oneself a grave.
I get that. Depression tought me how to do nothing and enjoy the silence. Don’t wish that on you though.
Yeah, I recall depressive times when I was like 13…I think it was like being resigned to the world just tossing me around. That’s called an “external locus of control” and psychologists say it is bad. I have an extremely high internal locus of control, save for the moral imperative…I know that my parents and family taught me it. I heard it from a professor that people with my traits just are forged this way by parents…the moral imperative is always learned when it is as strong as mine. Basically, my sense of right and wrong was taught by others, which was external.
Interesting, yet terrible. Maybe your “addiction” to work out and perfectionism comes from that, trying not to think about what is painful to you.
I can’t drink coffee gives me anxiety.
You found it! Correct.
That was actually worded in very careful way in my personal statement.
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I have been there and done that with so many lifestyles and this one seems best.
I mean it is odd though, I went from unmediated, drunk and disorderly to type A with a high need for achievement.
It’s basically…playing it safe.
I never want to relive my past so I do the opposite of what I did.
I call dibs on the croissant right near the coffee in the middle of the table! 
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I was really into it for years but I stopped drinking it some time ago. I don’t remember why I stopped.
Weird I never got physical withdrawals from alcohol, benzos, nicotine or antipsychotics…but coffee withdrawals are HELL for me…the headaches!!!
@turningthepage
I have it also when I don’t take coffee for a long time.
Coffee on a cold, cloudy morning is the best.
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Coffee is life. Coffee is love. Coffee is everything.
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Yes,but not strong coffee.
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I’m a fan.
1515151515
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I need coffee for waking up most mornings. I like iced coffee better than regular although I rarely get the chance to drink iced coffee.
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I drink coffee all day long until about 6 pm. I am addicted, no question about it. I will drink it until I vomit it up. Seriously.
I love its taste with cream and sugar. I love the smell and the power of energy behind it.
Szadmin once posted about how sz love cigarettes because of a maladapted reward system in their brain that keeps them craving and getting little boosts off their constant smoking. I am like that, but with coffee and caffeinated tea.
My favorite drink is several espresso shots with water, cream, and sugar added to it. I just have this issue where I keep refilling it…and can’t stop. It’s midnight and I’m now craving coffee… <–coffee emoji
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I slept unusually late in this morning, it was 10 am when I woke up, usually I wake up at 7-8 am, I made my morning coffee, had two nicotine gums and took my meds (including eye drops) to start the day, currently I am feeling ok. My yesterday’s wish did not become true, it is cloudy, but I may still ride my bicycle today.
