Just want to die? I’m at a very low point today and would like for nothing other than to be dead. I’m not gonna kill myself or anything. But I’d be happy if I got struck by lightning or something. Schizophrenia is torture. I wish I could go back to the me at 21 when the world was at my fingertips and I loved every minute. Now I loathe every second that passes wishing each one would be my end.
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Yes, I get like that more frequently these days. I seem to be spending a lot of time in distress.
I envy everybody else on the forum who seems on the surface to not be in distress.
That’s how I feel about it too. I don’t even hallucinate or hear voices.
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Ya, I guess. Life was fun and easy and exciting back then. I had a big future and potential. I didn’t like the abuse I experienced growing up and the pains of growing, but ya, I’m like a totally different person now. I suffer most days and try to be content and happy with my life and what I got right now. It’s hard to rermember life back when I was 18,19,20, and 21. It’s like a total different life reality and person like a huge 180 degree transformation in my life and head.
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I dont hallucinate or hear voices either. I just have occasional paranoia attacks and massive anxiety and depression. I also envy people that stay positive. It would be a lot easier if I could just get myself to do anything. But instead I just lay in bed and do nothing.
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That’s part of my problem at the moment too. I take supplements to help with anxiety, but they can only do so much.
It all grinds you down.
What meds are you on? I’m on Abilify 15mg only.
I did for a long time, but then I got my meds right and I feel better. No, not always. But a lot of the time it’s not too bad you know. Even some pretty nice times thrown in there. I highly recommend Cymbalta.
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Ya, my IQ was like 150 in base reality maybe 160-180, and now due to schizophrenia and ‘trauma’ it’s like down to 120-130 on a good day. I’m pretty sure the ‘aliens’ or what I prefer to call them the ‘computer simulators’ ie the controllers of the matrix took my sanity from me and left me struggling, poor, and insane for eternity.
I’m horny today; I’m extremely ashamed of myself today for telling people or thinking I’m Satoshi Nakamoto when I’m probably not and thinking of myself as the real John Titor when I’m not. I don’t know. It is just extreme suggestibility and loose associations and delusions of reference. Maybe it’s the caffeine. I got no proof and nothing…no skills or money and low intelligence. I’m fat and I got erectile dysfunction and I live at home with no wife or kids and I ended up turning autistic mid-life due to stress, burnout, and schizophrenia/trauma. My home is messy, filthy, and unorganized/untidy.
I don’t know what else to say. The trauma from my dreams/memories/subconsciousness was torture, so I rather not talk about it anymore to an audience I don’t know and when nobody cares, believes me. Maybe it’s not real, but I believe it’s designed by ET to drive me insane and to suffer for infinity/eternity/forever, basically.
Sometimes I just wanna have money and have sex like most men lol…
I’m on Invega, 50 mg hydroxyzine for anxiety and 20mg cyprexa
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Cymbalta didn’t work for me. I keep switching depression medications trying to find one that works. The most help was Wellbutrin but I had the side effect of no sleep.
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I definitely don’t want to die. Not that my life is super wonderful, most of the time it’s -----------or worse, I take a shopping list of meds, my paranoia is raging right now, but at least I’m finally getting my total hip replacement done in November, so I’ll be able to walk again, so that’s a positive…long as I keep to my meds things are generally ok, but I start missing them and it’s…not good
Yeah I’ve had suicidal ideation a because the fbi convinced everyone I’m some sort of weirdo so they treat me different. People have killed themselves over a lot less I think they want me to commit suicide.
If my schizophrenia didn’t include voices, I’d be basically recovered fully right now (not counting negatives). I envy the voiceless.
In regards to the original post, I used to feel like that, in my first few years when I was psychotic. Since recovering from everything but voices though I feel on top of the world. I don’t care how unsuccessful or alone I am, I basically made it out of hell. Every day is a celebratory party basically. Except now my brother has it and we’re all trying to help him, so it’s back to square one for the rest of the family.
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I’ve had episodes of lying in bed thinking of death and suicide, so I think I understand you.
As of currently, my mood is good and I have no psychosis. In fact my mood seems to have improved notably in the past few days. I still have apathy, but it’s not at its worst.
-Albert.
I think SZa dumbs people down. I surely not as smart as I was
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I think your delusions have gotten the best of you. I used to think the FBI was looking for me but the meds took that away.
That’s encouraging to hear that things improved over time. I’m hoping that someday the negative symptoms won’t be as bad. But for now they run my life
I do feel that low or rather I have felt this low… But still had the hope that the situation would pass some day.
I don’t think it “dumbs you down”. I do think it might inhibit your initiative to study or learn more but I don’t think it actually prevents your mind from acquiring new information. I read and study voraciously, and the things I learn stay with me by and large, obviously something I’m particularly interested in I’m more likely to remember than something I find boring. For instance right now. I’m going through a disastrous episode, but I’m t-a-p-p-i-n-g out this message despite my disadvantage. The mind CAN make it work, even through brute strength.
sometimes.
not all the time.
seems I’ve done it all. but I look forward to doing it all again. ha.
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