Regardless of whether you consider yourself disabled, do you ever feel like you are and find it hard to move past that as a thought?
I don’t get it a lot because I like to think I can mask it to some degree. But there are days where I do dumb stuff or I reflect on my routine and I definitely do feel “differently abled” to everybody else.
Its a weird feeling.
I feel like much of the support I got (when I saw services) was about saying the opposite lots. “You can do anything, you will recover” etc. Definitely don’t think a lot of that is true anymore. But regardless I do sort of wish that they had been more honest and helped me get to grips with these weird feelings instead.
I feel like it’s an injury or wound to be called mentally ill and so inferred as disabled in and of itself. You are treated differently and stigmatised in the community or by loved ones. So can add some element of learned helplessness too to an already vulnerable state of mind. Plus the ways in which professionals in the mental health team can speak to me i find belittling at times. I have an awful lot of self doubt because im considered mentally ill. But in recovery. But still im under ‘aftercare’ potentially indefinately. So speaks otherwise in terms of so called recovery. But should this set limits on what I can do despite my ill health? Depends on what I can learn in the process about regaining a sense of freedom and independence from the system i’m under. Which is kind of like a life sentence. In my mind. Seems like catch twenty 2. Especially as I was told double binds can create psychosis in a person. So thats implicating others as to why someone becomes unwell. So is the onus on you to think you’re disabled indefinately - perhaps not.
I sometimes feel like my brain isn’t functioning as it should and have several symptoms, - so I’m sometimes disabled for sure. Even though I’m able to do stuff pretty well still.
Work is mostly solving problems. It just seems that most of the problems I am good at solving people aren’t really willing to pay me for. I also don’t have a lot of physical stamina so when I start having physical pain and tension I get pretty bent out of shape. I have some quirky social deficits and tics that make it hard for me to fit in work groups sometimes.
I feel like I am still using my talents to contribute to society as being a caregiver and making creative products, but I feel like we are transitioning to more of a Star Trek economy where everybody expects everything for free.
If I compare myself to my father,we’re fairly evenly matched intelligence wise,then I definitely see myself as disabled.
Him: Short spell as army officer.Then joined the Foreign office. Good enough career. Finished up as consul general in Atlanta then retired and chose to stay there rather be Ambassador to Gabon.
Re official visits 1. An officer of the Consular Service will take precedence with Service officers as follows:
Consul-General with, but after, Rear-Admiral/Major-General/Air Vice-Marshal.
That gives an idea of how well he did.
Me. An extremely small amount of voluntary work…Never had a paid job. Long term severe mental illness. Fair amount of support to help me have a basic, but acceptable, level of independence.
Yes, if I compare my situation to former schoolmates, I feel left behind. Most are married with kids, have bought homes and drive nice cars and go to serious jobs.
On the other hand, I was never interested in having kids or owning properties. I am still mentally superior to many of them, I work when I can, I learn stuff when not working, and I can mostly take care of myself.
Maybe with help from the man above, I’ve come a long way since the sz onset. It has been painful, I even had suicidal thoughts but I pulled through. And I am not particularly strong or ambitious. I just hate complaining.
To be honest, if I were 15 or 16 again, dunno what I’d do. I like foreign languages but not deeply enough to become a linguist. I like math and science, but lack the focus and drive to become a top-tier scientist. I am musical but I’ve missed the starting gun - most 10-year-old pianist wannabes outperform me.
So I would probably consider aiming for the IT industry once again.
So far I’ve worked in web and mobile development. I’ve also done a bit of DevOps (environment configuration, etc). Currently interested in Machine Learning and Data Analysis.
When you said about linguist,
I did think it may be related to ML and DS.
Do you like to work in NLP?
I was ranked 1200 in a competition.
Its a great way to learn, if you are getting good at it there are rewards.
I know, its not that easy but the doors are open, in site called kaggle.