I have good days where everything feels fine but deep down i despise myself. And i treat myself like garbage. I smoke cigs and intake nicotine like i want to get lung cancer or something. I drink till my liver starts hurting and i start puking. I probably enjoy doing drugs more then most people just to numb everything. Ive driven my car into a tree on purpose just to see if its possible for me to die. I tell myself im a terrible person in the mirror whenever i look. If i could if it weren’t for the neccesity of food i wouldn’t leave my house so i don’t have to show my face to the world. Most of the time i don’t care if i live or die as long as its painless. The voices seem to agree too and r a big cause of all this. I just don’t know how to like myself. Ive turned sour with my mind and i just don’t know how to stop it. The good side of me is worried im going to become an alcoholic in a couple of months and end up in a ditch somewhere. How do u do it? How can i live with myself? Its like im split one side wants happiness the other torment. Its taken its toll psychologically and it shows cause everyone hates me because well guess what i hate myself
Hey,I think I don’t really love myself also,at least deep down.Maybe you can try to do something you really enjoy and work hard for it?
I enjoy meeting people,especially people who I can relate(social anxiety,depression)…I feel more at ease with them and really enjoy my time!
I like that I create art. I like to share a hug. I like that I can feel love.
Sometimes I hate it all.
I suggest 12 step groups to overcome the drugs.
I hope you find a hope for your dreams
There’s a lot I don’t like about myself, there are a few things I do like. I mostly forget about the good things in the heat of the battle. I need reminders that I’m a good person from my family and other support. If they didn’t tell me now and then I would forget on my own.
I like that I’m intelligent, I like it when people call me kind. I don’t like that I have low self-esteem and very little confidence. But I am a great example of what someone can do in life despite low confidence. I don’t like that I let people walk all over me.
I met with my new case manager at a new mental health agency a couple of weeks ago for the first time. He interviewed me and wrote an evaluation of me and what my goals are and what I need to work on. He made a copy of it and gave it to me. I glanced at it and then set it on my table for a week without reading it
I just picked up again last week and read it closely. I read one part of it that I hadn’t noticed before. It listed my strengths. He put, “Nick is polite and friendly to others. He is resilient and can advocate for himself.” Reading that made me like myself. In your case I bet you have a few good traits that would let you like yourself. Maybe you’re like me and you need to have another person point it out to you.
As people with schizophrenia, we tend to isolate and dwell on the negative. Maybe you’re like me and if I hear something positive about myself from even just one person I take it to heart and believe it myself. You seem fine on here. You need to make changes and take a risk and be with people and get to like yourself.
Helping others is a good way to feel good about yourself. I know it’s easy for me to say this without knowing you well but doing something for others gets you “out of yourself” and takes the focus of of you. I know it’s easier said than done but like Confusious said, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step”. Hey, I’m 54 and i have had paranoid schizophrenia since I was 19 but I joined a support group about 5 months ago. Change is possible at any age. Taking one small step to help yourself is a start. Good luck.
I have struggled with addiction as well. Let your weakness make you stronger.
stop doing drugs
and don’t be stupid whilst driving…you could accidentally endanger other people…how would you feel then ?
what i have observed of you is that you are a good kid…but with sz.
when a strong man falls…
they get up…
dust them selves down …
and keep going.
know someone cares
I hate myself primarily because of my health being so bad especially mentally. I also have terrible self esteem I guess because I can’t seem to get myself to do things like give myself time to grieve over my marriage failing for a decade long relationship total. Though it doesn’t help people in my life constantly tell me ■■■■ like that is something she probably forgot about in a few months time at most and I should too.
Good post sith.
I really identify with much of what you said. I think self hatred goes hand in hand with schizophrenia. If I had any choice in the matter I wouldn’t show my face to the world also. Most of the time I want to crawl into a hole. I wish there was some easy way to remedy our self hatred, but I’m afraid there’s not. It takes hard work to overcome our negativity about ourselves.
It probably doesn’t help that people without the illness typically treat us like crap in some way or another.
Thanks i needed to hear that
The sith has spoken
I know it’s a cliché but you should start doing the opposite. It helps. Tell yourself in the mirror that you are a great person. You need to start recognizing your good side. Almost everyone here likes you and there’s a reason for that. You are interesting and seem like a really good guy. Take a moment every day to think about and recognize your many qualities. I promise you it will help, at least if you are not severely depressed.
Hi Kazuma, You are kind and caring to everyone. I hope you will give that to yourself also.
I do not like myself, and I never really found a way to, but I like some people and some of this world. I try to go around finding whatever healthy things can be enjoyed and then not judge myself any more harshly than I would judge someone I don’t know.
I think you’re getting frustrated with having to manage a hard life- and you have every right to feel frustrated. I get frustrated. I do.
I think in order to be happier when we have this crap to deal with, and it is crap, we need a few key parts of life in order
- education and or vocation
I really think that these are tenants to a happier life than what we have lived as a group for centuries. With this in mind, try being autonomous; make your own decisions, pick your own this and that, do your own this and that, from breakfast to life goals. I do this.
Try school, and claim disability if you need it; many of us need it, I myself have very mild cognitive impairments, I can keep up with the best students in my school. I heard you are going back- hell yes! Do it!
And exercise and be active to release some feel good chemicals. It feels better to be healthy and active and it also helps to eat a healthy diet. It’s what we work with as far as hardware goes- so take good care of that body. I think you said you like basketball- if I remember correctly- and you said you’re not overweight- great material to work with!
This is how to begin the recovery process which takes the rest of our lives. These three basic tenants, that is. We do have some serious crap to deal with! I myself am very stressed about graduate programs and I am having to take some extra medicine because of it. I have been unacceptably ill the last two nights.
I do things like cook my own food, pick my own food, exercise a whole lot, take school so seriously that I am one of the very very few in my program to do honors research at the graduate level, and it pays off for me. I feel good in general when my medicine and lifestyle are both working well and at the right levels. I’m only a fourth year recovery veteran, but I have made immense progress if I am so narcissistic to say. It’s formulaic.
I started as a powerlifter and straight A student in the honors programs- it went further than that. It was hard but I knew I would be happier if I kept up the hard work and intense studying. With this stuff taken care of, we can move on to a much better life- and who knows where you will be if you give schizophrenia the fight of your life. I don’t know where I will be, but I have fought and I keep fighting.
Not to make it sound like a rocky balboa speech, but this schizophrenia deal is a serious fight for our sanity and often our lives as we know them, and sometimes our lives as in live another day. We are all fighters. Be proud and be strong, and be hopeful.
Sometimes I think no one likes themselves because we compare our insides to others outsides. If only everyone could be real but that’s not realistic. How ironic that being real is not realistic.
I like myself better then I used to.
There was a time when I wasn’t a very good person…
To try and make amends… I’ve stayed sober and clean. I’ve stayed on my meds… gone to therapy…
The hardest part is staying on my meds…
I like myself before my onset. I’m kind and intelligent and handsome. I’m funny and interesting. Life is rich and I have personal accomplishment. With sz, it’s difficult to say I like myself. I fails all the time at this and that. I can’t read indepth and can get very little out of everything. I can’t find my value. My body is broken. I feel like 30 years older than my real age. With my cognitive I can’t get to understand even myself. I know it’s not my fault, but it’s difficult to like this new me. I feel better when my mom is kind to me.
You can’t expect people to treat you
than you treat yourself.
The first step starts at home.
I used to compare myself to other people and never felt that I’m good enough. but nowadays i’m more accepting and loving towards myself. i still have little confidence when dealing with people… sometimes i’m too quiet…