Maybe a strange question to ask my mother but I was wondering what to do with a baby and I got the idea to eat it.
Did you actually ask her that?
No. Only in my mind.
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I often get depressed thinking about what it must have been like to be a woman back then. So ■■■■■■■miserable, I’m sure.
From what you’ve said of her, I wonder all kinds of things about her.
Was she a lesbian that only married your dad because of social necessity?
Did she only stay with your dad because women literally couldn’t live without a man to provide basic things?
Did she only have you because of lack of birth control or societal pressure?
Was she mentally ill but not so much that she needed to be institutionalized?
All that you say of her is true excepting I don’t think she was an active lesbian. She married at 30 and felt very much old She had me when she was 36. She got all withdrawn over menopause and being frigid. Social pressure was the ruling force. She was mentally ill, yes. Was attentive for awhile but got neglectful. I try to remember her and “communicate” to keep an idea of her alive as she was a better deal than my Dad and who else have you got?
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I’m sorry. That’s rough. During that time there was the whole lavender scare, so even if she was a lesbian, she likely couldn’t do anything about it. Being mentally ill back then, at I’m sure you’re acutely aware, was not pleasant. No real meds for anything and physical harm for being different. 
I’m sorry you didn’t have anyone else to help you through.
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