Struggling currently. My newsfeed, the internet, everywhere was just brimming with horrible, awful things. Tales of human cruelty and despair and suffering. I was so upset that I promised that someday I would see this place (Earth) burned to the ground.
And then I paused and was like wait why would I say that I don’t want to burn Earth to the ground. And then I started getting thoughts like but that would allow it to start anew and I was like oh crap because it was the same as when this angel visited me in my dreams and wanted to impregnate me and kept talking about the end times. So then I got angry and snapped at them for messing with my thoughts and trying to twist my head again. They kept trying to talk to me but I ignored them and actively blocked them out. It was hard, but I knew they would mess with my head if I listened to them, and I didn’t want them to fool me into thinking giving birth to the antichrist would be a good idea.
After quite a while of tossing and turning I realized that I was falling into delusion-ville again and am now struggling to remind myself that I am not going to birth the antichrist and that it’s just a product of my mind.
If I tell myself that enough times I’ll eventually believe it, I think. Sigh. Just felt like sharing this with somebody. One of those uncomfortable issues I can’t really talk with family or friends about.
That’s what the forums are for. Life is really ■■■■■■ when you’ve got things talking to you in your head. Can be confusing. Your better off blocking them out, which takes time but it is possible. I think you know what to do at this point, just wait for tomorow and this ■■■■ will be the irrelevant forgotten past… I realized something the other day. I don’t think about or recall what I think about unless it’s something I didn’t like or felt bad about. Focusing on what’s negative doesn’t eliminate it, you must allow what’s positive to dominate you and does on that instead. Life is a journey of the mind as much as it is one of the body. Stay off drugs, stay out of hell.
Amen to that. There’s a lot of stuff I’ve been trying to move on from lately and I realized how much I had obsessed over it before, it would eat up my thoughts. I’m still noticing how much it pops up in my thoughts and I’m trying to let go of the harder stuff. Accept that it happened but not obsess over it anymore.
I’m a big fan of introspection but some things are just better left alone to gather dust.
Right on, that’s pretty much what I’m going through. It’s really bad to obsess over things. As the days pass by my thoughts are becoming less and less polluted by my psychotic history. It’s a really ■■■■■■■ great thing to bare witness to.
For a while there I didn’t know what to think or how to think. I was stuck in obsessive cycles, nearly lifeless, really pitiful. Hazardous to say the least. Led to a lot of suicidal thoughts and desires. The hardest think to escape from is yourself.
Really it was the sz that made things so bad, but with the break I’ve had from real life it’s giving me time to process a lot of ■■■■ that would have taken forever if I were having to keep up a schedule. Though the distraction would have been nice.
From the understanding that you seem to demonstrate in what you say I believe you will eventually come to be able to control what happens in your mind. Even eliminate the sz if you so choose.
Your right though our lives are more interesting, certainly far from trite.
My brother was saying that’s what “they”(in references to what I’d call pans aliens) do to the smartest of us, because once they go through it they can handle anything.
I don’t really believe they exist but entertaining the thought gives me the hope of positive trajectory and an eventual happy ending.
I wander if everyone feels like their 20s are like a second teenhood filled with confusion insecurity and chaos. Perhaps it’s just because I’m sz. The neurotypicals are so private. It’s really boring. Ranting again.
I had trouble with intrusive horror thoughts and I doubled my meds a month ago and the thoughts are almost completely gone now. as far as reading about all the horrible things happening in the world, I ignore it mostly except for the really heinous things I see in the news. who can forget those things? the world can really be a terrible place according to the news. but someone once told me. “they don’t put all the good things that happen” so that made me feel better. good luck.