It’s been over 20 years since it happened so most of it I have pretty much forgotten…
Because of confidentiality, I am not willing to do Skype or give you my email so I would like to limit my contact with you to this forum.
I remember being taken to the hospital because I started having religious delusions that I was going to hell… They put me in a local hospital and I couldn’t really sleep for a couple of days. I remember lying in my bed thinking there was a snake inside my body that was eating my soul and organs. It was the middle of the night and by a strange coincidence one of the other patients (a girl) accidentally entered my room and said “Sorry”… This freaked me out even more because I interpreted it as a sign that I had “lost the game” against evil.
I was wandering around the halls during the day thinking I was in hell… There were odd television shows on tv that had me convinced people were being tortured and maimed for entertainment. I thought my psychiatrist was a vivisectionist and going to dissect me.
I am not sure it was during the same hospitalization, but I had delusions of being like Jesus (if not Jesus) going through hell for 3 days. If I remember correctly I had the misfortune of being in the hospital on Easter Sunday and someone had brought in a small wooden crucifix and that just played right into my bizarre beliefs. At times I was catatonic but still thinking I was in hell. I laugh about it now, but one of the times I was in the common room and catatonic I saw the other patients playing bingo and I believed they were playing bingo in hell On another day I remember watching the sunset from the common room and believed it was a nuclear explosion.
As far as my background goes I attended Catholic schools for 12 years but then went to a secular public university. I originally was an electrical engineering student but switched my sophomore year into Physics because I found it more interesting and all my engineering mentors seemed to talk too much about making money. I was also taking computer science courses and got kind of overloaded in my schedule and totally flunked out a semester in Junior year. I took a hiatus for a semester and volunteered teaching kids to read in a poor section of the city I lived in. When I came back I downgraded my Physics degree to a B.A. instead of a B.S. and graduated, the following year I completed a B.S. in Computer Science (we’re talking pre-Windows days though so it was a lot like the punchcard days with computers… we were just learning a little about the internet during my senior year) I was pretty burned out from college but was kind of determined to leave town. I got a job with a large corporation and went off for corporate training for a week. It was a bit too much for me and I think I even caught the flu. I started decompensating on the flight home and having terrible paranoia about government surveillance (this is way before the stuff we hear about NSA today)… I had to be hospitalized… My brother thought someone slipped me some LSD… (too this day, I can’t say absolutely for sure they didn’t but it is probably just a remote possibility… I am glad I didn’t know anything about MKUltra back then)
I had about 6 hospitalizations over a 3 year period while I was trying to work full time as a computer programmer. I got pretty depressed so I couldn’t go into work anymore so I did a nice day treatment program for a year… Unfortunately, I got thrown back into full time employment at a small database company doing tech support. I did that for 3 years but then couldn’t quite keep up with that. I resigned from the company but then my life started getting a little better. I had started chain smoking during my first job but was able to use nicotine lozenges after I lost the second job. I broke up with the woman I was dating because she was taking advantage of me financially and also ended up cheating on me. She did however introduce me to a local mental health advocacy organization where I met my future wife. We dated for about 6 years and finally decided to get married (I am pretty slow in relationships). We have been married almost 5 years now and things are mostly ok… we each try to help out with our elderly parents and my wife has a large extended family. Neither of my brothers nor my mom’s only sister had kids… hopefully this illness will end on our branch of the tree. My mom and one of my brothers also had sz.