I have never admitted to being a lesbian. I’ve been in the closet my entire life. All my friends were open about their sexuality, I just pretended I was straight. Its occurred to me why Im always around LGBTQ friendly people. Because Im not just an ally who likes rainbows…and thats ok. I think having enough shame and stigma of having a mental illness was enough to close me off. How do I know? I am not attracted to men, I dont understand men, men are a foreign concept to me. Even the most attractive man in the world, someone I loved, I still wouldn’t want to have sex with him.
It just confuses me a lot that Im friends with guys and they treat me like Im a guy, and then I love women and yet they get jealous when a woman likes me more than them. Its crazy…and hard to deal with. As a young girl, I felt more like a young boy, I had to pretend to be like other girls…and then I was like a normal girl too. But I dont like the idea of being bisexual. I found out my aunt had boyfriends before she married and she has never talked about ever being with a man. She’s happy now. Maybe Im just falling for the wrong types of guys? Or maybe I just want something else…I dont want to be married. I dont want a family. I’m pretty sure I dont want a man at all.
thats my rant for the day