I’ve been getting this way recently, I’m schizoaffective but I’m not sure if the catatonic (ish) state is a depressive or psychotic symptom. It usually starts off with rage, which turns self hatred and guilt resulting in an hour or more of full on crying and wailing, and ends up in a sort of catatonic exhaustion which can last for hours. In that state I feel completely numb and empty, I have no thoughts, it’s like my mind has left my body, it is a huge effort just to whisper a few words, I can barely move. It’s scary, but in a weird way almost comforting. I know that sounds bizarre, but there is a strange sort of peace when I am so far gone, in that nothingness. It only gets scary when my boyfriend tries to talk to me and I can’t move or speak, but if I am alone, hours can pass and I have no sense of it. I guess that’s pretty screwed up, but in comparison to the horrendous rage, or the agony and despair of severe depression, it’s almost like having a little peace from the turmoil. Someone also pointed out to me recently that I have a strange, unnatural way of holding my arm in a weird position… I hadn’t noticed it before, I’m not sure if there is any connection.
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I get that peace from it too. Strange as it sounds I know what you mean about at least being stable in that state…
Yes, you are always welcome 