Can you bury the past? Abuse as a child

I have two file tins which hold my life story basically. I was moved around many times as a child being in foster and group homes. I felt the need to keep everything. I have every document/birthday card/school report since I was 11. Once in a while I read though the tins and what I read makes me feel really sad inside especially the social services documents. Nothing really bad inside them about abuse or anything but that chapter in my life was horrible and those tins bring back all the memories, its actually a very unpleasent feeling. Is it true that getting rid of things with bad emotions frees the spirit kinda? Should I chuck them and bury the past or keep them because I have kept them for 13 years.

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I just made a major move in my life to get away from the town where I first fell ill and spent my entire psychosis.

I for one don’t feel the strong need to keep holding a grudge with those folks. I can let the past drift away. We all got ■■■■ back there… and it’s important to know how to handle memories that are upsetting… but why hold onto things that directly trigger those things…

establishing a good comfortable environment where I don’t have to deal with the trauma or sense that it is coming back around has really helped me to let go of the hold my past had on me. It’s still sort of a battle… but I did learn how I enjoyed living. I like being part of the town and biking around… I like trying food at all the places and then establishing a routine about getting my favorite goods and foods…

I mean I know I just subtracted 97% of what I disliked about my life… how things will pan out here in the long run is up in the air… but the point is that life can change… all wisdom gained can be better utilized when the past is removed and one is given a blank slate.

Perhaps see if someone else can hold them for a while… get yourself removed from them and see how it feels… the time might come that you realize you should just have whoever is holding them throw the tins away.


Everyone handles abuse differently if you think it would be beneficial to throw them out then I’d recommend doing it but only if you are ready.

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I do the exact same thing. During some of the worst years of my life I started chronicling everything down in journals. I still have all the journals and sometimes I go through them, for reasons I don’t really understand. It can be very destabilizing and triggering to where I now refer to them as my “journals of suffering”.

I feel like it would be healthier to get rid of them so I no longer have that temptation to revisit. However at the same time I feel like that’s my HISTORY, my library of Alexandria. I feel like if those journals are gone, there is no longer any evidence that any of what happened to me happened. Maybe you feel sort of the same? Maybe we could compromise and do something like put them where we can’t get at them, like have a relative hide them in storage or lock them up for us. That way we still know our history is there and exists but we can’t be sucked back into it.

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Great insight man. You are one thoughtful atheist. Haha

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Maybe you could try putting them away somewhere for awhile and not going through them and see how that works for you? If you’re alright without them for a long time maybe then you could get rid of them. Maybe replacing reviewing them with some positive actives that give you comfort and enjoyment in the now would be good for your emotional well being?

Hard for me to do because my abuser kept abusing me and abusing me and abusing me until my life was completely sabotaged and its all his damn fault as well. After a while the abuse becomes engrained in you and it takes a lot of therapy to get rid of it. I’m working on it. But no, not yet.

I support the idea of hiding the items away for a bit. Thay way, you still have them, but you won’t have to look at them and be reminded if you don’t want to.

I think part of the process of getting rid of those negative emotions is to accept what happened to you as part of your past. Trying to block out the memories will just make them come back at inconvenient times. It’s important not to fixate on them, but it’s also important not to block them out.

The bad things happened. You don’t have to like it, or forgive it, but I think accepting it is important, and also accepting that you cannot change it.

Forgiving it is the hardest part but also I think can help. That way if you forgive the person for what they did and you build up your strength and resilience they cant hurt you anymore. Forgiveness is hard true. But think about the power of being able to forgive someone. It really says a lot about yourself if you can. Maybe I’m wrong but I just reminded myself before you made your post that I gotta forgive my abuser and acknowledge he had his own issues. Even though they’re probably (well I know they are, but I really shouldn’t make assumptions)…less than anything ive ever dealt with, he had his own issues, and he was doing his best to cope with his ■■■■. His just gets transmitted in some twisted abusive sociopathic/narcissistic/thinking he was God too/juvenile delinquent kind of way. :frowning:

As you can tell I haven’t completely forgiven him either…but id like to one day.

@Jonnybegood yeah forgiveness is key for me too. I’ve come to realize people make poor choices or mistakes out of ignorance or sickness and that it benefits me to forgive. It helps me let go and have peace in my own mind.

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My goal is to always look forward, the past
belongs to the dustbin of history.

I was sexual assaulted by another male when I was ten and that memory came back with a vengeance as the brain can do marvelous things to help you cope. If you can stomp it all out without future repercussions then please do so.

I have a journal that I call my gripe book and when I have filled a notebook of it, I just pitch it. I never re-read it. It’s just too ugly for review. But this is not about my childhood. Children are precious and special and my box of memorabilia is high up on my shelf where I can’t reach it without great effort. I would have to be in a rare mood to review it without going insane again.