Bukowski's poem

I’ve read a lot of bukowski in my life. I liked him. But I guess, I didn’t still understand him fully…
Anyway. I post this, nice music too :no_mouth:

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I could only stand to watch about half of your video. Sorry, but that is just too depressing of a view of the world. I hope that you do not subscribe to it. People are not as bad nor as miserable as the video suggests.

I am sometimes exactly so miserable as the video says it…
I had an isolation of 20 years and my mother says to me, that if I feel only pain, I should kill myself…
Sometimes people are bad…

I am usually basically flat. I spend most of my time bored out of my mind because of Anhedonia but It does no one any good to wallow in being miserable though. It only makes you feel worse. Viewing stuff like this is not good for your mental well being IMO. It’s depressing stuff. And I really believe the majority of people are good. Just take a sampling from this forum as an example. The vast majority of the people here are good people…you may get an occasional person who is rude or confrontational or whatever but, by in large, we are good people.

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He was a bitter & a depressive but a genius!!! Great poem @Anna1
Love me some bukowski

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OK, I won’t wallow… but I am not sure anymore, that my own mother is good to me… and I am so severe sz, that I have nowhere else to go now, I won’t survive…
Did your pdoc balanced in your face, that you’ll be always in pain, because of your sz? Mine did it…
I don’t find this depressing, this moves my neurons…
I know that there are many good people. But you can’t imagine for how long I was alone, fighting as a soldier without any relief…
Idk, I like bukowski still…

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A genius, yeap, Tupac :smiley::heart_eyes:
Yeah, I hope that I’ll understand him even better one day heh…

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I sound as a tough person now, right, Bowens?
Can I change and feel better one day with efforts? Or you don’t believe in the efforts in sz? :thinking::thinking:
We’ve tried all kind of meds for ten years. I just got slightly better only from the zyprexa, but idk why I need still to suffer…
My pdoc stated to pay efforts now lol… but maybe she gave up on me…
Hmm, I wonder for when the stability with my overthinking on bad stuff mainly…

I think a more positive attitude would help a great deal in your case Anna1. I understand that that can be tough when you are suffering. And I vent on occasion here too but your posts are always negative. A positive attitude goes a long way in making your life better. You can easily see that in members of this forum who are doing better. They almost always have a positive outlook on life. I am not the best example of this and sometimes get down and frustrated but I try not to wallow in my misery. Life can suck sometimes I know but focusing only on the negatives all the time only makes you feel worse.

Bukowski sounds Russian, I dont know who that is.

OK, but I am focusing on the negatives, cause my brain literally doesn’t produce positive thinking… I developed severe thinking deficits, because of my paranoia since kid…
Anyway, OK, my posts are always negative… :smirk:
So it’s up to change myself on my own? The meds never made me more positive lol…
Can I be borderline with that? Ifk anymore, even the docs wonder…

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I think he was a German poet Aziz. I looked him up but have already half forgotten :stuck_out_tongue:

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You can train your brain to be more positive. There are various techniques for this. Obviously, I don’t have the time to get into them here but you could trying buying a book on positive thinking or read some articles on the internet.

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Bukowski was from German origin I think, but he worked and lived in USA. Maybe he has smth polish too, am not sure…

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But do I sound like I need more meds or I need mostly to change myself on my own? My current doc didn’t offer more meds, you know… maybe they just see my sick personality…
I need to have hope, that I can get better with efforts. Cause if there’s no hope, why continuing my efforts? I get tired, you know, it’s not always working… :pensive:
One other doc was saying, that I am not a sz though, maybe borderline. And one another told me, that the szs, don’t have my kind of suffering… I don’t even know what does this mean…

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I don’t know whether you need more meds, less meds, different meds…these are decisions that have to be made for your doctors. I’m not qualified to answer that question. I just know that your posts make you seem very hopeless and miserable and I think a lot of that has to do with your attitude about life.

My sister for example, died of cancer in her early 30’s. She had to have a leg removed and had to hobble around on a prosthetic. She had the cancer spread throughout her body and it eventually closed up her throat so she could not breath. However, she rarely complained and she worked almost right up to the day she died. That’s an attitude to admire. I wish I had that kind of attitude myself. It goes a long way in life.

That poem captivated me.

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