Beliefs about my pdoc


Long and contains religion. Why am I dragging up this old ■■■■??? to purge myself?
You have been warned…

Well before I met my current doc, I had been through a lot of them and fired them as soon as I could.
I had been able to avoid them for a long time when I finally got a low stress job in the government.
But after 12 years of working and doing great and getting outstanding evaluations i started going downhill since I had been promoted to high stress.

I finally was hospitalized from work and since its the government, they can’t fire you right away.
The doc from the hospital I went outpatient and he gave me a hip shot of prolixin without even discussing it with me.
The next time he had a room full of people waiting, but It seemed he only took 2 minutes with each.
The prolixin did work on me so I was smart enough to say what the ■■■■? he’s treating people like animals and lining them all up for their shots without even talking to them!
So I fired his ass and though I could continue my lifelong program of denial.

But things were still not going well.
So, for the first time in my life I said, I better pick a pdoc by myself!
so I looked in the phone book found one that took my insurance.
Paranoid that I was I had to case the joint so I went into the office to look around.
There was no one in there but a woman at a very small desk.
So i left liking that there were not tons of people having to go through a “protective” window like most other docs around Washington DC. Tons of pdocs in DC because living there will drive anyone crazy and they run the government too!

So I went to my first appointment and was surprised that it was the woman I saw.
She was only 36 about my age unlike all the dinosaur docs that were always 20-30-40? years older than me.
She took me right away as she never ever makes people wait! How does she do that?

I just managed to squeak out that i had been hospitalized and wasn’t doing too well.
I usually never told pdocs anything as I had learned young that anything you say can and will be used against you to torture you.
But she didn’t interrogate me or anything. She just went to her locked med case and gave me some sample and a script. She had just moved her practice and gave me a full hour. I was shocked, usually you just get the 3rd degree and mental harassment.

My memory is hazy with the sequence of events here…
well going for a full hour and saying as little as I could, i just kept going. One day I was talking and stopped because my hour was over and she said, she didn’t have an appointment and I could keep going?! I was shocked again but for the first time I thought someone was really nice and wanted to help me!?!

So I guess she learned more about me but I still was paranoid as a rock. I even tried to follow her home one day as I though she was reporting to the CIA which actually is in the direction she took. She took evasive action and eluded me, but then I thought, what am I doing?

One day I was just driving home from work and I saw her van and started to follow her because I had to research her to figure out who’s side she was on. So I left space so she didn’t see me and saw her pull into a driveway and the first thought I had was that is was a decoy house! So I drove away and visited it surreptitiously several time. Well it seemed to be a normal suburban house just like mine. So I started to think she was a ‘fellow suburbanite’ and that it was OK to trust her. Did this take 2 years or more?

I forget when but back when I knew her birthday from research, I found out that it was the same date as the feast day of St Dymphnia, the patron saint of the mentally ill.

Who had a sword and I was fascinated with swords and had delusions about them.
But all this proved that my doctor was sent from God to heal me.

So I’m much better now, got over the sword thing. People from the 1990s may remember my tagline.
I have swords for the fight, well now I have God.


we all go through that rebel stage with schizophrenia i know i did? thanks for shareing


Hi Dr Zen,
You remember me from the old days? I had internet access from the government in 1995 back when it was hard to get.
We’ve come a long way here! :smile:


Here Here…too true