You’re not a monster. Just sit back, breathe, and relax. This is a safe place. People will apologize if they step out of line
@sherlock already has. See?
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Relax @BigKona you’re not a monster and I believe you. No one is against you and I don’t think @Sherlock meant what they said to sound as bad as it did they apologized anyways and I know that doesn’t make everything better but I for one believe in forgiveness and second chances
Some times all of us see our foot and asks ourselves hmm how does this taste again (foot in mouth joke)
I think what @Sherlock meant was it SOUNDS impossible for you to be alive still after all I took close to 90 Tylenol and I’m around and I think it SOUNDS pretty impossible for me to be alive and I lived it!
I’m glad you seem calmer now
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Hey @BigKona welcome to the forum! And don’t worry about making a bad impression. We all get triggered at times, and all have our moments losing our temper. We tend to be very forgiving with each other because we all struggle, socially. If we could converse easily with neurotypicals, we probably wouldn’t be hanging out here!
I am glad you survived your suicide attempt and that you are still here.
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This is a really big accomplishment. You have a job and hobbies! That’s awesome!
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It really is, I can’t work and I’m lucky if I do my hobbies… I gotta wait for good brain days for hobbies and I had 11 jobs in 2 years couldn’t hold any of them for long at all I’m now disabled
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My stomach was pumped and I was fed black stuff a bunch sorry for getting rude I hate myself I’ve become not even a nice person anymore that’s the worst thing about all this
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Thank you would u listen to my songs on SoundCloud I have 2 one called mental skulls and the other crazed nibba
Says new users can’t link post! My name on SoundCloud is big kona222
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Thank you!!!yeah and now I feel terrible I don’t even know why I get so angry it’s like when I flip a switch I can feel something move in my blood if that makes sense!
Thats the charcoal. Ive had my stomach pumped and been charcoaled 5 times, so im familiar with it. My worst was similar to your experience - 300 gabapentin, over 50 hydrocodone, a bottle of rapid release tylenol. My now-ex called 911 and they were able to get me to the local hospital in time. I didnt wake up for 3 days, i was 25 and coming off an addicition to pain killers.
Anyways, welcome to the forum! Theres a bunch of fabulous people on here. As long as you follow the rules its a pretty cool place to post whats on your mind.
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@Pickpink wow you really are lucky to be alive… I hope you’re done with the attempts on your own life
@Pickpink @BigKona charcoal is gross but so fast acting
Edit: done not doing for anyone who saw my mistake
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Wow I’m so sorry! I can’t believe you’re alive either! This hole time I thought I was alone I feel so wrong and stupid
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I really hope I don’t get to that low point but I think for now I’ll keep fighting my best fight!
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@BigKona it’s okay, it was my first and only attempt I’ve had thoughts but it was my only attempt.
Yeah no one knows what’s in store… What helped me was promising all my family that I’d go to the hospital before trying an attempt again I’ve been in the behavioral health unit about 5 to 7 times since my attempt
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I’m glad you’re calmer now. Sorry I had to be more snappish than I wanted to be. I was out running errands as I checked out the forum.
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Hi! Welcome to the forum.
About the voices. I used to hear voices full blast. But with medicine they are manageable. My only advice is take your meds and ignore the voices the best you can. They will quiet down.
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I dont know, you seem nice enough so far. Just know that we’re all brothers and sisters, we’ve mostly been thru the same ■■■■, and yeah, sometimes we are gonna argue. Sorry, the Od thing is triggering for me so my antenna automatically go up. Talk to ya later brother 
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Oh im very much done. It was 5 attempts in 3 years, during that time i got diagnosed with sz. I havent had an attempt in 11 years. I have had suicide ideation, but i go to treatment centers when it pops up to prevent me from doing anything.
And you’re right, i am lucky to be alive. I guess i dont realize that often enough.
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I took an enormous amount of meds twice in my life and didn’t die I just got up the next morning woozy or woke up in an alternate universe. But that wouldn’t explain it because my meds were gone here too. I went to the hospital and admitted myself.
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I’m so glad. I’ve had idolization too I go inpatient as well
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@BigKona it seems like you are really in the habit of insulting yourself. When I wanted to learn how treat people more kindly, my therapist told me the best way to practice was by being kinder to myself. Maybe instead of “I have become a monster and I hate myself” you can try saying “I still need to work on managing my temper, and I hate it when I snap at people.” It takes practice. As many people here can attest.
And yeah I love checking out music. When you get the ability to post links, you can share them in the Creativity section. We have quite a few rappers here, as well as other musicians. Some folks do collabs some times.
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