(SUMMARY: Possible relevance of delusions as a coping mechanism. Paradoxical result from meditation. Possible variety of functions played by delusions)
Once you get past the crass metaphysics of the biological model of schizophrenia, you soon stumble upon the problem of the ‘function’ that specific symptoms seem to play in the personal universe of the schizophrenic.
All my so-called delusions revolve around existential problems of the most ordinary sort: what or who am I, do other people exist etc. In addition I don’t experience paranoia or ideas of reference so the resulting “delusions” don’t feel grandiose or liberating in any way, rather, I experience them as utterly nihilistic, I become complete nothingness, which roughly matches my ideal job description for when I grow up.
I was thinking about this as I recalled past exchanges with @labratmat on the benefits of meditation. I’ve repeatedly tried meditation and even implemented some routines, but the result was always the same: the first minutes would yield some improvement with anxiety and focus, but beyond that, as I gained “clarity” I’d find myself looking down at the abyss. Feeling grounded would be accompanied by existential despair, and indeed the conviction that despair is the most natural state of man.
Conclusion. I’m a coward that from a place of lucidity, neither haughty or fully resigned, invents cosmic tales as a coping mechanism. I’m not schizophrenic and I’ve never been. Just sick with existence.
What function do delusions play in your life? Coping mechanism, hated imposition fuelled by fear and paranoia, ego massage, etc.?
I’ve been doing the meditation wrong. The mantra forces a sort of peace, but I have been reading Krishnamurti recently and saw how he meditated. He taught that forcing meditation with ideas of concentration and focus is a dead end.
My delusions were definitely not a coping mechanism. The majority of them did not make me feel better…although I suppose some positive ones came in opposition to the negative ones later on.
It seems that way at first. You sit with your sorrow and space develops around it in time, allowing the sorrow to dissipate.
This is the path of enlightenment which you have no inclination towards.
Once people have no distraction, and they see themselves for what they are a lot of people don’t like themselves. The notion is to study oneself and question why. Then the silence comes and our conditioning is battled.
You can’t tell if you have SZ from one week to the next, you’re leaving the community, you’re staying in the community, etc. I’ve been treated using the biological model for a quarter century and I have a successful life because of it. I know what I’m talking about, and for more than a month at a time.
I’ve considered that, but each case is different etc and I guess for me the ocd issue is huge, plus my depressive existential outlook which goes beyond a phase or a few bad mental habits.
You clearly think you know what you’re talking about but all you provide are emotional statements and anecdotal trivia. Definitely one thing the biological model hasn’t taught you is good manners.
PS. Also, “you can’t tell if you have SZ from one week to the next, you’re leaving the community, you’re staying in the community”. This is utterly irrelevant unless you are conflating clarity and certainty with ‘wisdom’.
That is plainly true. And that is why only knowledge of yourself can set you free. No priest, Guru, psychologist is needed.
This is what jk teaches, and despised Guru behaviour, theology, division through nationalism etc. He had a lot to teach and is well worth a read. I think you’d enjoy him.
If I find myself in the frozen wasteland I’ll have to think something up or suffer unbearably. I trust a God of mercy won’t let that happen. You can learn a lot from death. You become smart by being able to disregard the bulk of what’s been written. Krishnamurti is someone I was able to disregard after seeing a talk of his on YouTube my experience totally disproved. “I play games because I have no Reality.” Is that what you are talking about?
My delusions came from being put in a box for a year when I was 6. I think because I felt so unimportant, my brain made up a delusion that I was super important.