I read in India’s creation story, it’s an illusion anyone is ever alone. Don’t put me in solitary confinement I will probably destroy myself! I don’t like being alone. Being alone has made me believe in having love for people but the schizophrenics in my building are anti social. I would love to have someone to hang out with. But being alone has been good for building a sense of Self.
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I tend to drift away from the crowd myself. Being solitary has its disadvantages and advantages. Some people just get started that direction, and they don’t stop.
I’m with my father, if he wouldn’t had let me back to him, then I would be homeless. My mother didn’t wanted me back, 'cause she started a new relationship and got married.
There are also my fathers employees here, they come for couple of weeks to earn some money, and then return back to poland, to rest and pay everything and to be with their families. Then they come back to work again here.
Everybody, including my father, of them is alcoholic. So it’s loud if they are all back from poland. This is kind of a thing with polish people, everyday drinking for the whole year.
I don’t like to socialise with them. So I stay in my room.
Today my sister came and we went out with her dog for a walk. Other than that I isolate and stay a shut in. Being with the polish poeple and my father it’s just about drinking until you go to sleep and watch really stupid tv shows. I kind of am not identifying with them. For me it would be too much, to neglect alcohol everytime they would try to give it to me.
I live a pointless life. My enviremont is depend on getting drunk everyday, and I just rarely, maybe once or twice a year, drink two bottles of beer or a glas of wine. There were some years where I didn’t drink at all. I think they want me to have the same burden and pointless existence that they got. They just jell, scream, shout everyday and curse in every other sentence. I’m kind of not proud for being born polish.
And if we drive to poland on christmas it’s the same ■■■■, always every man drinks and just the younger folks drinks and do other illegal drugs.
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This makes me sad. You’re such a great guy, I wish you could see that it could be different.
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I won’t settle. I won’t lower my expectations. My expectations for qualities like honesty, compassion, kindness, and intelligence are requirements for me, and non-negotiable. And I don’t think that’s setting the bar too high. I’d rather be alone until I die than lower my expectations.
(Just another perspective.)
I don’t think we are meant to be anything. There are deterministic factors in genetics and environment but people are adaptable. Whether we are social or industrious is basically a learned behavior. In modern society everyone goes to school, uses internet connected technology, tv etc. In other primitive societies they had basic tool making but nothing in comparison to modern industrial capitalism. Ironically many people who grew up in modernity with advanced tools would fail miserably and die in a survivalist situation that required basic tool making. As for social, the individual vs collective debate rages just as fiercely as nature v nurture. In both debates its fair to say people are adaptable.
Oh ok,good for you.Hope you find someone in the end
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