I am approaching the end of my life. Tomorrow I turn 52. And I never had a sex life. I just didn’t care. I blame it on anti psychotic medicine and sza. I regressed to an earlier state and had no libido. Now I see why my Alter Ego was so mad all these years. I see his side of the story. I really was too much to endure, it made him turn bad. It’s not just the sex I missed out on but the knowing people, I know no one now. I’m not going out with no ugly old lady either. And I’m not going to become a woman. I was a very good looking man once. I had so many opportunities for relationships. It’s a side of me I don’t care to explore, the creepiness of my desire. I feel like a psychopath when I go out in public (paranoia?) and it is due to my unfulfillment. Everyone is with a friend, family member, lover, or dog. I’m always the only one alone who doesn’t look like he’s going to see someone. And I refuse to do anything about it but cry here on this forum. Once it was sweet, now it’s a dirty embarrassing thing. Who am I?
You’re jinx! And you’re with online friends on this forum.
Some people have similar problems but they’re better off because they have a different perspective or way of looking at it. I’ve never been in real love or had a lot of sex. But a lot of my life was good despite that.
I go out alone all the time. It can be frustrating, but with moments of peace mixed in. It just depends on how I look at it. I was out all morning, I didn’t talk to anyone except a cashier but my day isn’t going bad. Plenty of people are alone out in public, without friends or anyone else. There’s no law against it.
IDK. I don’t have women attracted to me as far as I know but I still get smiles occasionally because I’m friendly. It’s all about perspective. I’m 60 years old and I’m far from done. I’m still looking ahead where I’ll join something and do something.
I blew many chances at sex and relationships too. It was mostly because of stupidity or not recognizing a good chance when I had one. Maybe I’ve learned and I’ll take a chance with a relationship. It’s not too late, hell, my dad married my step mom when he was 60.
Yeah i have a friend who just got married at 64. Life is full of surprises
52 is far from done. Make up your mind how you want to spend the rest of your life if you’re able. If it is not within reach, think up another plan. The main thing is to make the best of what you have.
People might not be alone. It doesn’t mean they are happy.
That’s me with the self pity gone somehow. So that’s how it turned out to be. So what? It could have been much worse if I broke all the rules, or worse yet broke the law to fulfill my supposed sexual needs. The best I could do with children is be a good Uncle. I could never be a father, or step father and that’s OK. Women are better off not marrying me unless they are very understanding. And I don’t want to work for the super low wages of SSI Ticket to Work on bad legs either. As long as there is a roof over my head, food to eat, and a bed to sleep in I’m good. My voices used to be terrible and I was a threat to society unmedicated, and as messed up as I was. My voices are much better now and I am much better now. It’s just a matter of staying stable.
You and I are very similar. I don’t know how it would have turned out if I had gotten married and had kids. I doubt if I was capable, but whether I was or not, it didn’t work out that way. The med’s make it impossible for me to work outdoors unless it is very mild weather. When I am on the med’s I can mow one small lawn, and that’s it. I’m really dizzy from the heat after that. Also, my back gives me a lot of trouble. I sometimes do exercises for my back, but that makes my knees hurt. I’m 63 years old, so no one is going to hire me for a steady job. I suppose I should work if I am able. I might could get volunteer work tutoring people how to read. Or I could do volunteer work in our clubhouse tutoring people how to pass the GED. I always did well on the standardized tests. I don’t think any of the staff wants to go to the trouble, though. It probably would complicate their lives. Also, so many people don’t stay here very long. But life isn’t bad for me. I bumble through the day, making the best of things.
I just woke up. I fell asleep in my chair. I dreamed a vivid dream, a romantic dream with a beautiful story. I cried in the end of the dream. I’d never had a romantic dream.
Did the dream fill you with a different perspective?
No, in the dream I was young and handsome and so was she.
Well, try interest instead of attraction. If someone sparks your interest, you are more likely to discover love that includes sex.
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