Anxiety Out of Control (long post)

Lately, my anxiety has become unbearable.
I was doing good for so long, then it started slowly creeping back in.
I had a recent relapse with my eating problems, over the past few months. I was in the hospital twice during that time.
First time was after purging, and I got really bad heart “flutters”, couldn’t breathe, and would pass out if I stopped pacing. They gave me IV and Ativan (the 1mg ativans they give out in the ER have little effect on me), lectured me about the harmful effects of purging, then sent me home.

The second time, was because I thought I was having a heart attack and it came out of nowhere.
The nurses were rude, gave me Ativan again, lectured me about not being actively in therapy and sent me home.
Since that time, I’ve be doing quite well, with my eating. Despite being broke, I’ve been managing to consume at least 1300 calories a day, and not purging.
My anxiety has gotten so much worse, though. I can barely get out of bed and I’ve been neglecting things like showering, changing my rabbits litter box, or cleaning up. I have trouble breathing, thinking, or really doing anything. I can’t even do projects like embroidering or art, while lying in bed. Focusing enough to read, or listen to a conversation is getting harder. I am so dysfunctional and panicked all the time, it’s unbearable. I finally caved and asked my mom to bring me some Ativan, last night (I gave all my old meds to her for safe keeping, because I don’t want them). I took two, even though it says take one. It didn’t do anything for me. So I ended up smoking some weed. Weed doesn’t always help me, but it seems the weed/ativan combo works well. I was a little over-sedated after that, but at least I finally slept, after 3 days of not.
Every day I struggle to breathe, I am shaking, can’t think, I always break down and cry for the smallest reasons, by body feels numb, my heart feels like it will jump out of my chest, I can’t even speak properly or type this post well.
I finally called the mental health center in my town to book with a therapist, and now I have to wait to hear back. I don’t know what to do, now. I’m just sitting here panicking, trying to breathe and not to cry and wondering if I should try to take more ativan. I’ve been over all the old stuff from when I was taking therapy, before and it doesn’t seem to help. My eyes keep losing focus, and it’s hard to see.
If anyone has any advice for me, that would be greatly appreciated. This is really difficult between this anxiety, constant panic attacks and also pains, nausea and sickness from forcing myself to eat so much.
I feel like death.
:cry: :cry:

Sorry to hear stuff is rough at the moment. I also get chest pains from anxiety. Sucks.

Quite a few folk here have had success with gabapentin or pregabalin. Apparently these meds are not addictive in the way benzos are.

The staff at the hospital giving you hassle sound like jerks.


Yes, thanks for understanding. I can hardly move my hands today, it’s so bad.
If the therapist suggests medications, I will want something the least damaging and least addicting. I am not very pro-med and prior to this was doing very well unmedicated for so long.
I avoid the hospital at all costs, because they are just shitty at their job, there. I have been there with voices screaming at me and thinking I was being kidnapped by them for government testing, after being ambulanced in for passing out from vertigo spins. They just sent me home and told me to “let nature work itself out”. The mental health center here is awful, too.

Have you tried an SSRI? They are a more effective long term solution for anxiety. Benzos you can gain tolerance to so quickly and that leads eventually to dependence/addiction. Weed can set off psychosis and give you a whole different set of problems.

No I have’t.
When I was last hospitalized they had me on many things, changing every week.
I was on seroquil, lithium, clonazapam, quetiepine wellbutrin, and a bunch of other’s, I can’t remember (also sorry if I spelled those all wrong).
What is SSRI?

And weed helps me more with psychosis than anxiety. I use it for quiteting voices, dark thoughts, depression, hallucination become less frightening and more enjoyable, and it also eases paranoia.

Please look after them Butterfly, and they will look after you :rabbit2:

1 Like

SSRI is an antidepressant. Raises seratonin in the brain to help combat anxiety and depression.

1 Like

I do the best I can, and I think she has a good home with me. I just often get too shut down or panicked to even remember her daily box cleaning. :rabbit2: :rabbit2:

1 Like