From those of you who are a parent, especially of little girls, I’m interested in your opinion about being a good aunt.
I have a niece on the other side of the world, I’ve never met her. She’s about 8 years old. I’d like to have a relationship with her but I have no contact with her her at all and just send gifts with no reply. Her dad, my brother, just goes on and on about himself and how difficult his ex (her mother) is and how difficult his life is and complains and whines about himself. He barely ever says thank you for my gifts (which are very thoughtful, lovely and expensive) when I ask about my niece.
As a last resort, I’ve written to my niece that I’d love for her to write to me and enclosed a self-addressed envelope (with her last birthday gift). Is that too much to ask of an 8 year old?
I don’t know her mum but my brother says she’s horrific. I know her mum remarried & had 2 new kids. I know from my experience as a kid that wicked step-fathers and wicked step-mothers can do a lot of damage so I worry her step-father will damage her. I also know from experience that a mum can lose all interest in her kids from a failed marriage & get totally obsessed with this new boyfriend & that new plan. That spells neglect & abuse. So I worry my niece may be having to deal with all that crap.
My aunts have been very good to me so I know how important good aunts can be to a neglected kid. But I literally live on the other side of the world, have never met her & as far as I know all my lovely gifts may not have even brought her a moment of joy. I want to be a good aunt but don’t want to be a sz psycho… how to make a connection with her & let her know someone on earth cares very much about her well-being?
I would call and ask what she’s into before you send the next gift. Try to call when you’re able to actually talk to her. See if she uses any devices and if she has access to things like Snapchat, Marco Polo, WhatsApp, etc. See if there’s a way you can communicate with her directly.
I think sending the stamped envelope was brilliant. I would keep doing that.
Most eight year old’s I’ve met aren’t that good at sending mail, unless they get help. I think what your doing is really nice. I’m sure she appreciates it even if she doesn’t know how to thank you for it.
@LED I’m not sure you understand the situation with my brother & how he blocks all access to his daughter. The only person I can call, or get any Snapchat, Marco Polo or WhatsApp contact info from is my brother who incessantly, psychotically, complains about his problems to me.
He won’t tell me anything about what she’s into or anything about her because he’ll only complain about himself & his life. he has no inkling that I’d be good for his daughter or that she’d be good for me. He only thinks about himself. He’s very selfish and very mentally unwell. he thinks the only reason I exist is to meet his needs. If I send gifts to his daughter he only sees it as a relief from his parental duties. He blocks all contact from me to my niece. I have no way to contact my niece’s mother because I’d have to get the contact details from my brother, who can only complain about himself & how terrible his ex-wife is.
My brother is isolating his daughter from me. He thinks the only reason I exist is to meet his needs.
@LED I took your advice and asked my brother for contact details for my niece…Snapchat, WhatsApp. He accused me of “abusive correspondence”. Because the topic wandered off him & his problems, all of a sudden I’m “abusive”. This has happened before when I’ve dared to talk about my own life & not just him & his problems. It really feels like he’s locking my niece in a prison where only he can have any contact with her. It must be so hard for her only being 8 and having her dad burden her with all of his huge, adult problems. It’s what both my mum and dad did to me, I know how hard it is.
Last gift I sent was Feb & I’ve heard no reply. What did you do when the person took credit for gifts not from them…I don’t feel there’s any avenue I can go thru now. I’m not gonna stress out an 8 year old with adult subjects like, “you mum and dad are awful, trust in me (even though you’ve never met me) I’ll protect your best interests.”
Just keep sending the gifts of you can afford it. The important thing is that she feels loved and special, not that she knows you’re the one trying to make her feel that way.