I wish you would help me on this. Its clear that i dont know what is a normal state since years. And sometimes my thoughts are suffering oriented.I also watch the normies on the tv and i suspect them hiding their own suffering. But i guess there shouldnt be any suffering if you are ok,isnt it? Not even in anybodys thoughts,no? There shouldnt be any hard suffering like this,no? So maybe its still a delusion of me, a result from the long years of my illness and loneliness…
Sorry if all this sound crazy,wow, but you are my friends here.
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Normies have all sorts of suffering. Life is hard on everyone even if your not ill. And then there are those with physical ills
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Yeah,but its not either normal to be focused only on the suffering to the point to feel it even in your soul no? And to think that the basis of everybodys life is suffering, dont you agree? I guess there should be also joy in somebodys thoughts, healthy spirit,freedom etc etc… its even less normal to pay attention so much to the others suffering no? This was my point…cause everybody said to me those last years that everybody suffers but i think that in the good mental health there is some kind of defense from the suffering too, maybe happinness dont you agree? Sorry again for my dumb questions but i was like a zombie for some moment with my illness…
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Yes, I agree that it’s normal to feel happy sometimes and that the flat effect of sz might take that away. I say might because I do feel happy sometimes, so I don’t understand what flat effect is like. I’m also sza
I remained unhappy for years. Do you believe that this state is possible for so long? Sometimes i just have my blockages to be happy,idk whats the reason. A chemical disbalance? My best friend is sz and she told me once that she experienced happinness more often than the normies, i dont understand this tbh… is it my fault that i remain on the “dark” side since forever, tell me please?
Everyone’s got some sort of suffering going on.
Just because you’re not happy, doesn’t mean you’re unhappy.
Don’t worry so much about finding bliss. Stop comparing yourself to other people 
Sounds like depression to me.
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Yes twinklestars, thats why the doc added me lithium the last time but i think i have sz elements too. Maybe negatives and even positives. He said that maybe its szaffective. The problem is that i have a lot of really dumb thoughts,lots of uncertainty about the reality too. My personality is non existant for the moment. But lets see,maybe the lithium can help the depression. I am afraid that its not as strong as an ad…
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Ill get angry now berru!!! It really pisses me off to see somebody who has the same diagnosis and says that she was very often happy while me am miserable since years,you see? They turned me into a freak with all the meds that i tried without no result! You are young and you didnt put 30 kilos!!! Plus, my ex told me he would sleep with this friend of mine. Yes, i compare still 
Well, I have put on a lot of weight over the last few years, and I’m not that young.
I understand you’re frustrated, but like I said, there’s no use in comparing yourself to other people, it’ll just make you feel more sad.
It’s great that your friend was able to be happy. You should feel happy for her.
And your ex sounds like a douchebag. Be happy he’s out of your life.
If you keep stopping all the time to think “am I happy right now? I could be happier”, then you’ll only make things harder for yourself. Embrace whatever emotions you’re having, no matter how small they are.
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Ok, sorry that I am mean here, really. But sometimes I cant control anymore my envy or my rage. Its what is happening when you spend so much time alone.
But I went out today with my mom lol. it was tough, I got scary of how bad I look already but whatever, I should get used to this too hah
I dont look anymore so much for the happiness, it was a dumb thing to do. But I still hope for a stabilization of my health, that’s all.