They are wrong. Their son is a patient. He can’t cure Himself. And he don’t know he needs meds everyday. If it happened again, some bad may happen to their son. They need to pay more attention on their son.
I agree, moonlee.
You might try to figure out what criteria this hospital is using to justify strapping this guy down. Then maybe you could talk to your mother’s boyfriend’s son to tell him what behaviors to avoid so he won’t get strapped down. If hospitals in Portugal are like hospitals in the U.S. there might be some privacy issues. You might have to decide there is little you can do about the situation, and let it run its course without you.
Maybe they think he is in no fit state to make decisions regarding what info to tell relatives. Maybe then the hospital just says nothing? Not sure but I think in the uk they can still give out very basic info.
My mom just explained to me that the hospital is in the interior of the country, it’s a few hours away from lisbon. His mother went to see him but she couldn’t. They let her see him through the door window just to make sure he was okay. Apparently they’re not allowing visitors because he’s strapped to the bed. The reasons why he’s still strapped I don’t know, maybe he’s violent. Sucks though.
He’s better off than on the streets doing god knows what.
1 Like
Yeah, I told them about the injections, that he shouldn’t be left alone because obviously he can’t take care of his mental health and that I’m available to talk to him when he’s able and if he’s willing to do so. But that’s it.
The thing is, these people helped me and my mom a lot when we needed it. It’s time to give back. And in all honesty, I don’t think they are seeing clearly the situation because they’re so close to it. It’s difficult to make decisions regarding sons and daughters you know? 
2 Likes
This seems to me at the core of the issue. As it is right now, I do not think you can be of much help to the son directly. I mean, he’s not allowed to have visitors, and if this were to change, I suspect they’d let the parents in first. There’s also the issue of how an encounter between you and the son will affect you - you’d know this better than I could estimate, but I can imagine it can be pretty intense. Accordingly, I think right now your place might be to talk to the mother and boyfriend, specifically about the issue quoted above. Given their professions, I strongly suspect this is not straightforwardly an ignorant or neglegent view they have on the matter.
My opinion is that the stance of the mother and her boyfriend, to have the son this freedom to make his own decisions, is quite admirable up till a certain point, and I would tell them this in conversation. Admirable, for if the son would manage to gain some insight on his own, and goes on to comply with treatment, this would be of immense value I believe. This is a big if, I acknowledge that, but I think that the possible rewards are as well. I can only speak from my own experiences here, and some clues I got from reading others’ here on the forum, and having done so has only strenghtened my opinion that self-acquired insight has been a great blessing to me. It is true, my first psychosis could have ended many months earlier than it did, if others were to have noticed and intervened. That could have spared me a lot of suffering. I am still grateful for people not having done so, though. For I feel I have thankfully missed out on difficulties in the aftermath of that episode. Residual delusions, difficulties accepting diagnosis, self-stigma, shame, might be some of the issues that I have to more or lesser extends missed out on… I have found it extremely empowering to have ditched most of my delusions unassistedly, and to have climbed towards insight on my own. I don’t know what the mom and boyfriend’s reasons are for insisting on this freedom of choice, but I would not discard that position as neglegent, ignorant, or cold straightaway. I would try and talk with them about this extensively, to get behind further reasons and motivations for it.
I said admirable up to a point, for the downsides of such an approach are obvious and mentioned already,( besides, there are many differences from my own situation back in the day that may be significant.) And I would strongly suspect these are also known by the mother and boyfriend, with them not exactly being laymen. Again, I would approach them with some level of sympathy for their position, and try to find more about it, especially, what would have to be the case for them to do intervene. You may be able to find out/negotiate/convince them of certain points in time or severirty of the condition that would have them take steps they are currently not willing to take.
1 Like
I agree, that’s why I offered to help, I know they’re not negligent, but can somewhat do damage if they leave him with too much freedom to leave his meds every time he feels he’s alright again.
It’s though, because they can’t really have him in Lisbon, nor they can be with him for more than one or two weeks, they both work and it’s difficult. His mother can’t also.
My approach is to help them help him, not just help him or them.
If history proves anything is that what came as a solution (him being in the country side alone) proved to be isolating and damaging for him. He was there with his girlfriend and she left saying they should take care of their son and not leaving him alone to make decisions over his mental health, it was not alright for her to leave him stranded but they aknowledge that she’s right when she says he shouldn’t be left isolated.
It’s a tough situation, but you’re right, it’s not really my place to judge, only to help the only way that I can.
I offered to talk to him about med compliance if needed when he’s better. Maybe knowing someone with a similar background and similar diagnosis can help him. If he wants to of course.
1 Like