Today — I don’t know if it’s the same everywhere in the world — is the annual Father’s Day celebration, the first Sunday of June.
It’s a painful day for me, not for my father. (my non-biological father)
I went to my parents’ house for a few hours — I had made what I thought was a beautiful, symbolic gift: a lovely bouquet of flowers in purple tones (my non-biological father likes purple and red). I also bought a men’s “Nike” gift set with various grooming products.
I thought we’d at least spend a decent bit of time together — I didn’t warn them at first that I didn’t plan to stay until the evening, but I did promise to wait for the food they were making — sausages, vegetables… (both my mom and dad were cooking, and my brother also helped a bit).
My parents gave me some money, not a big amount — just enough to buy some food, maybe a little something extra… But when I said I was about to leave, father said, “Ah, so you just showed up for the money?”
I put the money back on the table, gave it back… and left with tears in my eyes. My mom came after me, tried to say something, but honestly — it had all just built up TOO MUCH.
The only justification, if I even want to justify it to myself, is that my father had already been drinking beer — maybe it was a hard day.
But sadly, he knows who I am — I came to congratulate him, and I pushed myself to do it — even though he really did hurt me, both in childhood and later on.
Sadly, he sees me only as the version of me he wants to see.
It’s nice to hear that… @Joker I thought that if we communicated very rarely, our communication would become more meaningful. And truly, I try to visit USUALLY once every few weeks — and we used to be together every single day… But being apart doesn’t really change anything either.
Strangely enough, my mom has learned to speak to me a bit more gently, although when I think about it — if I stayed overnight, I’m almost certain I’d hear some cruel words.
When it comes to money, it can go both ways… A large part of people expect something in return, but there are also those who genuinely give without hesitation. My parents have always expected something back — whether it’s emotional return or the same kind of support in their old age.
I’m getting closer and closer to realizing that I need to seriously, seriously reduce contact… I promised myself I wouldn’t go back to the house — but they keep drinking, and there’s no way they’ll come to the city over the weekend, simply because they’re not sober. A day might be coming when we won’t have any contact at all… this relationship costs me so much pain.
Hey, thanks for the concern.. @POET it used to be much worse, he has said more terrible things to me before — it’s just that after a longer break, even smaller things hit deeper in the heart.
i see… yea especially since you did such a nice thing as coming to visit him and bringing a gift etc… im sure hes a nice person but maybe alcohol impared his judgement? idk hope youre feeling ok tho…
I hope you’re ok