I definitely try to if there was no ill intent. A young prep cook managed to blow up the part of a commercial kitchen I was standing in back in my twenties. It ended the career I loved the most and I have had chronic and often crippling pain ever since. I have not blamed him for it because he certainly didn’t intend for what happened to happen. He wasn’t trained properly and that is the outcome of poor safety training in a dangerous environment. We still get along decades later.
I have said very clearly in no uncertain terms that if they already changed they can’t ask forgiveness but merely a chance to atone. I will grant that in the first post I did not disambiguate the usage of the words from their common usage but I did in the second. I have said very clearly that when they ask for forgiveness while already changed what they can ask for is only a chance at atonement which is achieved by serving you and this is done by supplanting their will with yours with no guarantees at all of earning anything but what you deem appropriate, if anything.
Well they should welcome it then, if that would earn them your forgiveness it would truly be a great bargain in my eyes. In fact I believe it is your right to end their lives or ask them to do so and not forgive them, if you so wish.
That’s why I said very clearly that the goodwill they can strive for due to how heinous their act was is merely that which can come from you after you are dead and that they shouldn’t even make their existence felt to you in life.
Surely after you die and lose attachment to your body and your life, once their actions will be made known to you, you would approve of them more if they strove to act in accordance to your will than if they went ahead and kept up their old ways. That’s what I refer to when I talk about earning your goodwill after your deaths. That’s all.
Regardless I have justified and explained myself enough. Maybe I wasn’t clear along the way, speech is very imprecise. Hopefully now my position is clearer and less abrasive to you. I promise you I am anything but trigger happy with forgiveness and in the case you are bringing forth asking forgiveness is in itself sinful in my eyes and demands forgiveness in itself.
Dear Lord. Would you like a shovel for that excess of verbiage?
I was going join this conversation but that to much fluff for me.
I forgive you @Airparticle
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It’s hard to forgive and just move on.
When I fell sick, none of my friends visited me in the psych ward. Only my family did.
I did speak with them a few years later, but only through social media.
I have no intention of reconnecting with them anytime soon.
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Just to make clear, in situations of abuse, or when you were wronged in a defenseless way, the idea is not that you need to forgive the one who wronged you in order to get in a healthy space. It’s more about forgiving your own self of the guilt, anger and blame you put on yourself thinking you did something wrong in the horrible situations that you could not protect yourself from. Forgiving others is not necessary for self healing really. Forgiving yourself is.
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Wowwww… That’s helpful, thanks. I like what you say about forgiving yourself for those things you’ve mentioned. Imma screen shot that…
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Could also be forgiving myself for allowing myself to get angry at others for their problems projected on me, and therefore, drinking poison myself as they say.
I don’t think people need to forgive everything. I forgive everyone because I choose to for my mental health. I spent years being angry at people and it was only hurting me so I recently forgave them and I don’t even think about it too much anymore.
When you have been wronged by someone it’s completely healthy to have a reaction to that. Dealing with that anger in a self harming way doesn’t help you move on though. You acknowledge the feeling and then find a way to express or disperse it from your mind. Sometimes therapy, meditating, journaling, exercising, etc all help depending on the situation.
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Tea up my nose… Hurts…
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