So I was born in 1984. In highschool that year became relevant because the Orwell novel 1984(and Animal Farm) were part of the English curriculum as well as Brave New World and Handmaids Tale. The novel 1984 is about a character in a totalitarian regime with themes of paranoia. In fact all of the novels are about totalitarian regimes. Over the years I had a recurrent paranoid thought that the state was trying to make me paranoid in order to entrap me in a totalitarian state health system. Of course I have solipsistic delusions so it really was me who was being targetted as various other themes in my life related to identity all justify this type of persecution.
The paranoia didn’t start after reading the novels, but some years later after I had already been immersed in psychosis, had freedoms taken away and begun thinking that I was a solipsistic protagonist-like character that either had to deny the paranoid reality that I am in a totalitarian regime, stop threatening confederates and acting irrationally by taking the symbolic pill or injection OR keep fighting in the absurd reality where the English lessons failed and nobody else sees totalitarianism, just a lone individual who is sick.
At the point I’m at now I have found a happy medium in thinking that I have sz but at the same time the English lessons have failed and that mentally ill individuals are treated in ways that exemplify the way ‘healthy’ society will act systematically against individuals when ‘healthy’ is replaced by ‘moral’ or ‘aryan’ or this ‘sect’ or that ‘sect’. Obviously I think people should be educated against systematic oppressive behavior which I think is at least a latent purpose of teaching this kind of literature, but designing a health system that doesn’t depend on humans working together against something or someone they can persecute would take a change in nature.