13 More Days

They finally gave me an appointment with the pdoc. Apparently she is a younger woman, and they all say she is very nice. My appointment will be on the 16th, 13 days from today. So I have 13 days left to go until I finally see a new pdoc. Feels like this is taking forever. I had bad anxiety last night and thought I was hearing something dragging across the floor, but I think it turned out to just be my own breathing I was hearing and not a hallucination. I think my anxiety is making things worse than they really are. My brother also took me out for a day, just a few hours to get me out of the house, we went for a walk and visited some shops, he bought me a teak candle because he knows aromatherapy often helps me, and teak is one of my favorites. He is such a sweet guy, I am so lucky to have him. Just 13 more days.


You should use the time to plan what you are going to say to her. Make the most of it. There have been times when I wanted to really make an impression on my pdoc, and it backfired. Try not to make any emphatic statements unless you really feel that way. Think of all your problems and bring them up with your pdoc. Let her know what you need.


Yes, crimby is right. Write it all down and don’t be embarassed to say anything. She is there to help you.

1 Like

I will try. The office told me the appointment with the pdoc will be 45 minutes long. Plus I think my therapist also will have told her some things, since my therapist wrote a referral, so I’m not sure how much she will be already influenced by whatever my therapist told her. I think my therapist believes that everything I told her was because of psychosis. I really hate trying to explain things to people who have probably never even been high. It’s like trying to explain colors to a blind person.

Don’t worry, it will probably go just fine.

Hopefully. I am trying to figure out how to word things differently, though. I tried to explain to the therapist why I don’t think I am having visual hallucinations exactly but perhaps something similar, so I explained to her about the layers. She just looked concerned, gave no indication that she understood what I meant and scribbled stuff down on her papers. So that made me think that it was a failed attempt to communicate. Then she said she would not be available the next week, but then scheduled me to see her almost 3 weeks later, and ended our session early. So it was like the communication failed so much that she doesn’t want to bother seeing me until I am on meds. So stuff like that makes me feel like I need to try to explain things differently/better.

But maybe they are just not allowed to say, “You are not making sense to me,” or something.

When I was psychotic I heard thought like voices of people I knew, and it was full conversations you know? They kept saying I heard voices and I kept saying I didn’t hear them, per se, but I “thought” them, they all looked at me and were like “You do hear them”, it was frustrating.

Now, since I’m stable, I could explain to my pdoc better and he finally understood, one year later :smile: lol

I would trust them, if you’re not making sense they probably know. And my therapist refuses to see me if I’m psychotic, he says no good can come out of it, since I’m irrational.

So she seems to know what she’s doing, which is good.

1 Like

I hope you are right. You do make sense to me. It would just be nice if they could be straightforward and let me know if they think I am not making sense at all. Like it would be nice to know whether my thoughts themselves are not making sense, or if I am just not explaining well enough. When they just give me a weird look and stay silent, I can only guess, which makes me feel more unsure of myself.

It’s normal you feel unsure of yourself, given what you’re going through. It would be worse if you were too sure of yourself, believe me. I was positive I was god and that I made perfect sense.

Yeah that’s a good point.