How does it happen? How does hard work ever pay off? I just don’t understand. I worked and I worked, sometime for 72 hours at a time, every day, with few breaks, over an eighteen month period to produce the music that I’ve been presenting on this and other websites. I honestly don’t even know what I’m looking for. Recognition? How much of that could ever be enough? I never ask for money except for a CDbaby account that has produced nothing, and I only opened that account because it is free, and it allows me the opportunity to have free cloud storage space for my .WAV files.
I feel like a performer who lives in the vacuum of outer space, completely isolated from every other human being and I’m slowly losing my mind. The only relief I get is when one or two people reply to my posted tunes, but it is agonizing because so many people visit the threads and say nothing, And no one hits the “like” button on the screen even when they give glowing reviews. It’s driving me crazy.
All I ever wanted to do was to compose music. Now that I can compose and produce music, and actually do it, I don’t know what the hell to do with it or myself. I am so god damned confused and frustrated. In this thread I’m re-posting a long tune for your consideration so you can get an idea of how serious I am about composing. Its really long and I don’t expect that most folks have the patience to listen to the whole thing. Its just there to give you an idea of how I am about music. I mean I busted my ass on this stuff.
Please - somebody help me figure this out! I’m at my wits end. Music has always been the one thing that has kept me going, and if it goes - I go…and its slipping away. I’m getting scared. I realize my locus of control is within me. But how do I justify eighteen months hard labor as a masturbatory exercise in futility. I just can’t live with that. Not well anyway. I guess I’m asking for support from other people who have schizophrenia. You of all people will probably understand my situation best.
P.S. To Moderators and Administrators:
My mention of the CDbaby account cannot be construed as self promotion as no title used on this site could be used to link to any title in my account at CDbaby. Please be assured that I’ve taken every precaution to avoid this contingency.
P.P.S. On further inspection, it also appears that my CDbaby files have been deleted for lack of any completed sales.
Yes, please comment, and no there should always be sound at that time range during the piece, as there is just about always sound during the arrangement. Perhaps there was a malfunction in the mp3? Although this could be a quieter section and if you have the volume down it might sound silent. Turn the volume up to a reasonably high level for best results.
I just wanted to amend my comments. I really do know what I really want - I want the music.I guess it breaks my heart that others don’t want it as badly as I do. I don’t really make it you know - I don’t know where the hell it comes from. All I’ve ever known is that I want it more than anything else. I love music as life itself. It is the only primary evidence for a Supreme Being that I have. It is what gives life its meaning for me.
At 5:37 - 5:45 or so there is a short queitish drum fill that includes a snare, a tympani, and a ride cymbal, but there is some bit of silence for a moment or two.
You already wrote what I would try to say in a different way.
I also understand the wish to be recognized and known through the medium, through what you perceive and convey. I went through a similar feeling (though dissimilar circumstances). I’m still trying to accept that my own subjective experience is worthwhile and valid, that what we make never has to be known for us to be changed and even comforted or calmed by making.
Perhaps it is because I was badly neglected as an infant and as a child that I so crave the intersubjective interplay with an audience, but you are correct; the music is enough in itself. Humans have several existential needs and I am sorely lacking for some of these now, but not for others. Maybe we never get to meet all our needs. But I can say with confidence that I will always have something to live for, because every new sound I create is reason for the next - and the next after that, and so on. Thank you for your encouragement fellow artist.
I also believed that somehow the art I made would help me join the world and I would belong and be welcome.
Maybe we are in the world in a different way because of early childhood experiences and other factors. As you wrote, “Maybe we never get to meet all our needs.”
I really like the parts of your composition I was able to hear. Esp the parts with strings.
PS-the only aspect I would discourage is staying awake for 72 hours; the music will be there when you wake up from resting
I think that if making music makes you happy, content, inspired…whatever words fit here, then keep it up. I have my own doubts about my paintings, but when the brush touches the canvas my soul truly lives.
I really like your shtuff! I’ve been listening to it while browsing this forum! Excellent musicianship!
I too enjoy creating music. But posting it as I have done on this site, is kinda like pitching adult sex toys at a church picnic! The reaction I received i mean…lol!
Looking forward to hearing more of your wonderful pieces!
You’re very talented! Interesting prog rock sound, although, maybe the only thing I have like it is a couple of Peter Gabriel- era Genesis albums. These days I find the need for something more ambient and mellow as I’m getting on in years.
It really grows on you if you’re patient. That’s why I’ve had it in the background today as I surf the Net. I enjoy ‘moody’ music when I’m in a certain frame of mind, like I am this afternoon. Again, well done Mikee!
Hi. I just wanted to say I think your music is really great. Please don’t worry so much about others comments or lack of comments, Mostly people are so caught up in their own stuff that it is really not a reflection of you or what you are doing, Your music is good.
If your looking for recognition why don’t you enter some sort of battle of the bands contest? Or build a following on YouTube or SoundCloud.
Not to be harsh about it but I know some amazing artists and they never got anywhere because they don’t know how to market themselves.
And just posting music on an sz site probably won’t get you noticed.
With any product (you being the product) one of the most important things is effective marketing.
Oh yeah man that’s where the $$$$$ is at!!! Jingles are everywhere - on T.V., on the radio, at the Movies in Airports over their P.A.s - I mean you can just imagine the bookoo cahsish we could rake in writing and producing jingles for commercial enterprises , and we could do it all using the internet! Why the hell not? I live in Elgin Illinois just for starters, but distance shouldn’t be an impediment to a music business partnership any more. I listened to your track man - waaaay cool dude!
I’m currently trying to build a cheap little recording studio in my basement with the help of my brother…
This could take a few weeks. But when I’ve got something to work with, I’ll PM you my phone number or email and perhaps we could toss around some more musical/ Ad ideas together. I have several little ditties I’d like to record and explore for commercial advertising purposes. If we can just get that first sale to a Company, that credit might open the floodgates to more work for us.
Anyhoo…yeah! This could be the start of a wicked partnership as we both love the craft of songwriting!
