Encouragement needed to stay on meds

Hi there… I need some encouragement to stay on meds… please?

I now use a small amount of haldol, a children’s dose really. I’m doing relatively well on that. I’m stable. No weird thoughts. I can be there for my child, which is the most important thing. Family and friends are happy that I’m stable, I’m doing a new and somewhat challenging volunteering job, started a modern dancing course. I still suck at keeping my house tidy and doing my finances, but that’s nothing new. On this low dose I am capable of doing decent self-care, which is already something. I’m in the process of rebuilding life again.

Only… I just still hate meds. I feel empty inside and tired and my cognitive skills get worse and worse. I feel like I’m walking around with a fish bowl over my head, as if I’m not really there. And I’ve read so many horror stories about what meds do to your brain (“chemical lobotomy” etc) that I’m so very very scared of them. Yesterday I forgot a dose and today I’m feeling clearer already.

I KNOW quitting meds is most likely to lead to terrible things. I’ve tried that a billion times and every time I end up in a locked ward, catatonic or running away, refusing to eat, drink, sleep, once I even did a suicide attempt. I KNOW. But I just really still need some reminders now and then. I keep on hoping that this time will be different.

So…I wanted to ask for some help… please encourage me to stick to this dose of meds… I thought maybe if I have the tendency to quit again, I can put it out here and maybe somebody would be kind enough to tell me to not be a fool. :slight_smile:

Thanks in advance.

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I know this struggle well.

Stay on your medication, but definitely tell your doctor about these feelings you are having and see if there is an alternative med that may have less of that “empty” feeling.

Also, a good many people here have experience with haldol and may be able to offer insight.

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I was recently back on Haldol after a problem with my Rexulti. It was not pleasant. Left me feeling hollowed out both cognitively and emotionally. There are certainly less impairing medications available these days. Talk to your doctor!

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Stay on med bro …!!!

I tried haldol and found it made me feel very dead and empty. So I tried other meds and found one or two that manage both my positive and negative symptoms.

Maybe you have to find a better med. But yes, stay on your meds. Think of the difference between being on and off. Would you rather have wellbeing and side effects - or illness and no side effects? If the side effects are bad then try a new med with your pdoc’s guidance.

Good luck!

Thanks for your responses!

I had a somewhat low and negative mood when writing this, because I was in the wrong time of the month. The last days I’m actually feeling better. I’m starting to realise I actually have a lot to be thankful for. And I’m feeling somewhat happy and normal now!

I had extremely bad times the last years, with loads of self-hatred, terror, guilt, suicidality, anger, delusions, self-neglect and self-destructiveness, being forcefully locked down and drugged with high doses of meds into a demented zombie, and having my whole life shattered. Losing friends, boyfriend, job, house, money and most importantly the care for my child, because of trauma and psychosis. There have been so many moments that I thought: my life will be hell forever, I’m quitting this life.

Right now I am still struggling with accepting the emotional and cognitive side effects of meds, and the temptation of quitting, but if I take an honest look at my life: since I’m on a very low dose of meds, it’s not that bad. Maybe…it’s actually…quite good! :sunny:

I’m stable and not afraid. I have moments of happiness. I started an interesting volunteering job and meeting nice people. I find myself playing and joking and even laughing with my child. whom I see much more again now. I’m building up contacts with my family and friends again and can be there for them. I even just met someone I’m dating with and this weekend I started feeling butterflies, and he seems to feel the same, and even if it doesn’t work out, I know it’s possible again. And I by accident had a superchallenging weekend, organising many things for my volunteering job, caring for my child, having a family meeting AND a date… and I survived! And did well! And I’m getting nice words from others for doing my job well and being there for them and sparkling a bit again. And - big accomplishment - after this weekend I feel actually proud of myself instead of self-destructive!

I’m still terrified of relapse and just as terrified of meds. But today I realised: hey! I’m happy! Not psychoticly euphoric thinking I’m in special contact with God, but just normal-happy. I was even singing happy songs on my bicycle. I feel almost normal! This is cool! Since I also shared my bad day-thinking, I wanted to share my hopeful happy-day-thinking as well.

I have often thought I’d stay desperate and lost forever and was ready to jump of a building many times. But now it’s better and I’ve been rethinking it all and my life isn’t so bad.

If it stays like this, I think I can actually start to like my life again. :blush:

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