Hi there… I need some encouragement to stay on meds… please?
I now use a small amount of haldol, a children’s dose really. I’m doing relatively well on that. I’m stable. No weird thoughts. I can be there for my child, which is the most important thing. Family and friends are happy that I’m stable, I’m doing a new and somewhat challenging volunteering job, started a modern dancing course. I still suck at keeping my house tidy and doing my finances, but that’s nothing new. On this low dose I am capable of doing decent self-care, which is already something. I’m in the process of rebuilding life again.
Only… I just still hate meds. I feel empty inside and tired and my cognitive skills get worse and worse. I feel like I’m walking around with a fish bowl over my head, as if I’m not really there. And I’ve read so many horror stories about what meds do to your brain (“chemical lobotomy” etc) that I’m so very very scared of them. Yesterday I forgot a dose and today I’m feeling clearer already.
I KNOW quitting meds is most likely to lead to terrible things. I’ve tried that a billion times and every time I end up in a locked ward, catatonic or running away, refusing to eat, drink, sleep, once I even did a suicide attempt. I KNOW. But I just really still need some reminders now and then. I keep on hoping that this time will be different.
So…I wanted to ask for some help… please encourage me to stick to this dose of meds… I thought maybe if I have the tendency to quit again, I can put it out here and maybe somebody would be kind enough to tell me to not be a fool.
Thanks in advance.