I am a voice hearer and on occasion have tried to re-enter the workplace in order to join the mainstay of normal life, aiming at making new positive acquaintances, and trying to gain some confidence at performing normal tasks, with the hope of enjoying whatever it is I am doing whether it’s volunteering within an NGO or charitable organisation, aiming at helping people like me, or it could be taking an interest in catering or something else.
Though what eventually pans out through the experience is the exact opposite, of which as someone who unfortunately hears voices and is somewhat out of touch with common modern life, I am a bit of a social pariah who has some physical problems with my appearance and speech. So it’s to be expected to be a little tricky at first, though TBH what I experience is something that most people when you try to explain it they don’t fully comprehend, so I would like to take the time to recant my personnel perspectives upon these sometimes torturous events.
So, you go through the process of finding a role or job, you attend the interview and are feeling optimistic about the new supposedly positive change, and await the first week to approach.
The first week seems to be O.K and the people seem quite friendly and understanding and you try to complete tasks that should be straight forward, with a little mess. But nothing too disastrous.
Then just as you think you’re starting to become settled in, the Games begin, this is where it gets interesting ( remember that I am a voice hearer and you’re not supposed to visually hallucinate). And some of the explanations may sound a little like psychosis.
The first stage is that you are nervous so the ‘Voices’ are having a field day lapping it up as you try to concentrate upon the tasks without looking like a dick, the second stage is that you have the strange experience of thought broadcasting and have to overlap it with something else, so you imagine songs in your head a bit similar to earthworms, in order the close down the conversation within your mind, you may get a bit flustered and be aware that your co-workers can see this. The third stage is after the honeymoon period is over, it’s usually about two months, you’ll notice a change within the attitudes of your co-workers, get a little narcissistic and have playful at first fun directed at you, You naturally assume it’s due to poor work performance and try to make a noticeable improvement.
Though the ‘Voices’ are all laughing at you and having a ball at your expense, imagine the audience of a certain America talk show host with the initials of J.S. this is making the task even more tricky.
Then as you try to work out the thought broadcast some of your co-workers start to gaslight you by repeating them in a subtle way, you may have a room full of customers all drunkenly laughing at your hallucinations by repeating what the context was, you sometimes might jokingly ask a question about this only to be gas-lighted by the reply. So the fun and games proceed like this behind your back as you become marginalised and put within a corner, sometimes it can become strangely threatening with certain circumstances. And you after a few months leave before having some kind of accident. There is more I could detail though it’s good to keep, posts short.
Anyway, how common are these experiences with other voice hearers? It would be great to hear back from some of you.