Ive been choosing to go down the rabbit hole. Enough bsing myself. Substance use will stop now. Life will be dull and boring and ill feel sad and lonely…but it will get better. Its a go to saying for a reason.
No apologies because the time for empty words have ceased. Time to just be better.
I was a crack addict for four years. I spent a lot of money and time on getting high. I had no choice, the addiction was too strong for me. My life revolved around getting and using drugs. I got into a lot of bad situations and hung around undesirable people who regularly lied and cheated me and I hung out in the worst places.
I tried to stop on my own but I could never stay clean for more than a few days.
In 1990 at age 29 I started going to AA meetings. I found them interesting and often the people were entertaining and I heard a lot of stories of crazy drug use and stories about guns and violence but they also told hilarious stories of situations they got in. So I started going regularly, and pretty soon I stopped drinking and smoking crack. I found other meetings and eventually I started going to 5 or 6 meetings a week.
The best part is that the obsession and compulsion to use was lifted from me. I lost the desire to do drugs. And soon my life blossomed. I got a job. I enrolled in college. I found a friend who didn’t do drugs either. I stopped hanging around people who did drugs and I stopped hanging around places where drugs were being used.
I became very social and instead of spending the majority of my time looking for drugs, I started going to movies and record stores and did fun stuff that had nothing to do with drugs.
Now it’s 30 years later and I’m still clean. I have no desire to do drugs and I don’t miss them. I’ve had tons of great experiences that I never would have done when I was smoking crack.
Yeah, lots of addicts feel the way you do, they feel life will be boring and dull without alcohol or drugs so they don’t seek recovery. It doesn’t have to be that way, there’s a ton of fun stuff to do in life that doesn’t involve drinking or doing drugs and even better, a lot of it is free. I don’t know about you but I can live perfectly fine without the excitement and fun of having someone breaking a bottle over my head and robbing me. I can do without the fun of a stranger walking up and beating me with a club because he thought I was someone else. I can live just fine without the fun of being cheated, lied to and conned over drugs. I can handle just fine not being in the company of prostitutes, ex-cons, murderers, wannabe hoods, or people who use me.
Quitting is not easy, it takes effort but the rewards of getting clean are tremendous. You have to start somewhere and joining AA, CA or NA is free and it is proven to work for many people. It doesn’t matter how long you have used, what you use or how much you use; you can still recover. I’ve seen it a million times. I’ve sat in meetings with the hardcore drug users who used for 10, 15, 25 years but they still get clean and become productive members of society.
AA was a miracle to me, and the meetings aren’t just depressing people sitting around telling depressing stories. Meetings are full of laughter and friendly people, people try to get along and help each other. IDK your story but you have as much of a chance of getting clean as anyone else. They say in AA or CA: “It’s a simple program but not an easy one.” And they’re right, it’s nothing complicated, but you have to listen to what they’re saying because the members talk from experience. I hope some of this makes sense to you. Getting clean is not impossible, it’s not hopeless. I wish you good luck. Good night.
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