What was your reaction when you saw other schizophrenics in mental hospital?

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21

I liked talking with other people who had Sz/SzA, but some of those people who seemed higher functioning were in denial of their diagnosis.

There was one gal who was violent and extremely delusional, screaming profanities and talking nonsense. I was kind of afraid of her, cause I was paranoid she would stab me. I tried to avoid her.

There was a young guy who was catatonic. I tried talking with him a few times, but he was in a different world, mentally speaking.

I was just glad that I had insight, even though I had intense paranoia. I felt bad for the people who were very detached from reality. I hope that never happens to me.

I do have hallucinations, delusions, and paranoia. But I’m still able to understand my situation.

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22

You’re very lucky to have retained insight.

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23

I thought everybody in the hospital was going to kill me at first, even the staff.

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24

To be honest, I was on the same level as they were many times.

I think once the meds started kicking in I thought it was weird that this one guy from SA built a shrine for me

In the end I just told the nurses and doctors that I hated it and it was no longer helpful to keep me there

Unfortunately I did not have stable accommodation at the time, which took about a week to sort out

I had dreadful delusions about my parents at the time, and refused to live with them

Past trauma blah blah and all that

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25

I only know for sure there were 2 other schizophrenics in the hospital when I was there, I didn’t really go around asking people their diagnosis lol. I’m sure 75% were schizophrenic, I just didn’t realize it I guess. My episode only lasted about 2 days, but I was there for a week though I was feeling fine. Even one of the nurses, after about 5 days, asked me “What are you doing here”?

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26

A two day episode is extremely short. Mine were 11 days and the other was six weeks long.

Are you recovered now and off of medication?

27

Nah, I’ve just never had long psychotic episodes (other than my initial break, which lasted about a month). I’m on good meds, and when I went to the hospital, I wasn’t that psychotic. But I just wanted to be safe than sorry

28

That’s good… it’s scares me that I could lose insight for a long period of time if I relapse.

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29

Most of the time the people in the hospital didn’t seem out of the ordinary. I’ve seen stranger people on the subway.

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30

Yeaa me too. Some attacked me.

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31

My sister was on the subway with her friend, and two guys were drinking hard liquor, when the train stopped at a station one of the guys purposely vomited all over my sisters friend and they left.

I don’t feel embarrassed for being on the psych ward because being on the subway is worse.

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32

I remember there was a girl in there who was very expressive about her fear of her voices. I really felt for her. At one point she collapsed on the floor in the lounge and was just weeping. I actually went down to her on the floor and comforted her and she appreciated me.

That’s how I used to be… Can’t believe how I’ve changed.

I would not be brave enough to do that now. Well not sure

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33

I saw a guy suffering from benzo withdrawal, he collapsed on the floor and started cramping. They quickly put him on benzos again.

Another reason why I avoid benzos. Some people are on them for life!

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34

I was the weird one. Once I started recovering, I had people coming up to me with all these stories like, “Dude, why did you…?” They were scared of me. I was probably the only teen schizophrenic, and I scared the hell out of all of them. Once I was an adult, I was all, “Yep, these are my people. Let’s talk about our paranoia.” So unhealthy. But that was then and this is now. I’m never going back. Won’t let myself get to that point. Will steal all the antipsychotics from the pharmacy if I have to to keep myself sane. Folks, I’m not going to rob the pharmacy. Just an expression, but a half-literal one.

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35

Honestly, I only liked or trusted the schizophrenics there. I felt like I couldn’t trust the fakers or people not experiencing psychosis as I felt the whole hospital was ‘in on it’. I asked or begged to leave several times and they wouldn’t let me, which is weird, given my right, to move. My parents were concerned; were worried; and possibly scared; but did nothing to alleviate my symptoms. I wanted to be transferred to another psychiatric ward and be transported there due to the fear I had about the ‘criminals there’, but it was ignored. That was around the time I got ‘my adderall’ and started saying psychotic, paranoid things that felt real like I was ‘raped’ and ‘injected with drugs’ and I thought it was from mk-ultra in 2011 but it could have been past life memories and stuff or not real, but it felt super real. I don’t know. I had hundreds if not thousands of delusions like I was a ‘super soldier’ ‘clone’ ‘a time traveler’. The thing about time travel is it never stops. I keep going back in time for infinity, so I remember things from distant past lives that creep into my memories from psychosis/caffeine/energy drinks and it affects my well-being.

I probably said some inappropriate things like I thought one lady’s insulin machine was a tape recorder lol, and another lady there was so skinny I said some mean things to her which I now regret. One guy was talking on the phone about me and threatened me. The phone numbers list for stuff was just out in the open; I thought they took down a camera; and the cameras were duds; but it wasn’t real at all and just extreme paranoia and psychosis.

I was afraid I’d be ‘raped there’ or there in the shower or worse, really. I was so preoccupied and stuff. The patients kept saying ‘if you don’t go to group, you’ll get in trouble’ some slights like that. This was all in 2015 when I saw those UFOs in the backyard and started getting more schizophrenic and sick. It took 2 years to recover from the fear of death, which has since healed in 2017 from Vraylar and I haven’t been back yet.

They had patients just going in and out and there was no security and I started talking about cloning and stuff and thought it was the patients talking about me and stuff.

One guy said directly to me: “You’re dead” or something.

I saw the patients gathering around the table and I felt like they were plotting something.

Perhaps, I really did die there and became a ghost or reincarnated. I always felt it was aliens or the Illuminati as the root cause of this ■■■■. I feel like I’m in an infinite time loop beginning in 2011 when I got sick and there is some superstition surrounding it. I feel like we live in a computer simulation at least – I really do.

The problem I faced is I keep going back in time like GroundHog Day really or Primer.

I feel like I was in Monarch and even Montauk and secret Space Program but it just falls on deaf ears, really. I think Monarch was the worst of the worst and it really affected me. I don’t think anyone really believes it here except me and maybe some others but I’m censored every where I go. I often buy books and watch videos about Monarch to learn about what happened to me, really. I’m an honest guy, with some messed up memories.

I also think I’m extremely psychic too.

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36

The two people I talked to the most last hospital stay also had sz and they were super nice and seemed just fine to me. We kept in touch for a while after we all got out but lost touch.

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37

It was curiosity for me. I spent a lot of time asking questions from those who had been experiencing it for a long time.Comparing their experience with mine, trying to figure out what things I could possibly expect.

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38

i was so afraid all times i was hospitalised but i met some beautiful people that were so good to me.

i truly have a special place in my heart for many of these people.

some of them took care of me because they were more stable than me or more sain.

i really appreciate that.

one of my x boyfriends i met in psychiatric hospital.
i thought he was super cool and idolised him.
the staff would not let me out alone but when i was with him they let me out because they knew him or he was stable.

one guy stood in same place day and night and seemingly never moved and made strange facial expressions.

one guy said he was suicidal and i laughed him in the face.
i thought it was funny somehow but i genuinly saw him as my friend and cared for him.
i still do not know why i lthought it was funny and laughed in his face.
when i laughed he said “nice”.

one girl threw a glass of water in my face because i “stole her seat”.
i did not know that was “her seat”. it was empty.

some of the people were very rough in their behaviour.

one guy got in a fist fight with the nurse and another nurse pushed me away to safety so i wouldnt get caught in it.
he was put in isolation and cried im so so sorry.

there are many psych ward patients i met that i would be friends with.
not all of them but definately some of them.

when i first got in hospital i was scared.
all times.

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39

Usually I just wanted out because the people inside scared me. I was only as bad as the worst for about a year before I started to recover a bit.

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40

Yea I was much worse before I was hospitalized, I guess bcz they put me on meds first right when I went into the mental hospital.

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