I had an all-out fight with my father. It was the one year anniversary of my mother’s death. He did nothing to acknowledge the day, and the night grew on without so much as a word being uttered about it. I got hot real quick, and we had a hell of a fight. I yelled and screamed and told him how much I hated him. He responded by breaking my Walkman by stomping on it to make a point. I flipped out, totally lost my mind…was completely out of control. I ran out of the house, and I got just past the driveway and I heard a sinister voice say to me, “Go back. Kill them both. Do it now!!” I marched back to the house where my father and step-mother had gone to their bedroom. I tried to force my way past him and get to the rifles to kill them both, and I honestly believe I would have done it - I was in a blind white-hot rage. He stopped me, and I picked up a baseball bat and ran to the basement and destroyed everything I saw. Destroyed furniture, put holes in the wall, broke the door, just completely flipped out. He came downstairs and tried to appeal to me to stop. In exhaustion, I collapsed and cried like a baby. I’ve never before felt so devoid of life, and yet felt such raw emotion.
After hearing that voice telling me to kill them, I went rapidly downhill. I had horrible stomach pains every morning in school. I openly fought in school with everybody. I got into drinking and drugs, and the voices just would not stop.
I was 12 years old on that explosive November night. About a month later, I was admitted to the hospital and got my diagnosis fairly quickly.