I have been getting some really bad ones. I have several situations go on in my head. I’m not sure at times if there trying to tell me something other then what I do know. My take on this is that the brain is quite powerful and under all the voices and hallucinations and delusions real people are involved maybe directly or literal
I dont have episode anymore because I realizes its all ■■■■■■■■
My main episode never ended.
I just try to live a normal life.
Just how I feel. When someone who doesn’t have Schizophrenia asks me, what is a normal life I look at them like what are you stupid? A normal life would not have uncontrollable thoughts in your head. A normal life is being able to function in society without going into panic attacks at every little thing. A normal life is being 33 and being able to hold a steady job and move out on my own…
When I’m in a middle of an episode I tend to shut everything out. I just lay in bed all day rather than deal with anything., I put on music, today it was new age music because it felt relaxing to me. But I feel I’ve wasted the whole day because I spent in bed listening to my iPod. But I guess it’s better than being self injuring or doing something illegal, or something bothering my neighbors…don’t know what I’d do but whatever.
My mood’s have been up and down the past couple of days, but I think it’s the medication change. The voices have been fairly quiet, still here unfortunately but I can ignore them better…now I just have to get my mood back to a normal state.
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I had an episode this morning. Lately, since Decemer, the holidays, I haven’t been able to wake up early, so I’m doing my little routine at night, I just haven’t been able to make shakes or boil eggs in the morning. My thought was that I wanted to wake up early and do my little routine. I woke up early but not early enough. My episode is that I went from my room to the bathroom as fast as I could, because I heard a conversation going on about me being a target for murder and I could not recognize the two people talking. But I recalled it being an old story all ready done and I raced back to my room. Those two people were family. I could remember them they looked different, but I have been practicing saying, this is a brain disease, I have schizophrenia. I was able to calm down saying this to myself and I went back to sleep. I’m getting better but it’s effort and work. I can’t take medication because of my allergies, so I do other things that do help. I’m getting better at talking to myself and hearing myself.