When I was diagnosed I was too angry to be sad. Too delusional to be upset. Too much in denial to be afraid.
I pretty much told the doctors to F off.
Did anyone else experience something similar?
Once I went to a non-psych doctor and told her I was diagnosed schizo-affective when I was 19 and she said “That must have been devastating” and I said “Nope, not really.”
I don’t think they could understand how bad it really was.
I did not even consider myself mentally ill. Refused everything. Was released after 10 days, then ran away. A year later during my third hospitalization I realized I had to play by the rules, since now it was a recurring thing. I have two alternative diagnosis which are remarkably different: schizo and depression.
I was pretty far out of my head when the doctors told me of their findings… and told me my diagnosis…
I didn’t understand what they were talking about… I had no idea what Sz was really and since my head circus moved in when I was very young… I didn’t really listen to the docs…
January 2009 I took Lysergic-Acid Diethelamine and had a bad trip. i was ■■■■■■ up…but I didn’t become psychotic until early June when I was prescribed Wellbutrin by my doctor at the time. It was the only med I was on and the wellbutrin made me completely psychotic. I think it was a two step process to becoming psychotic and as messed up as I was…Acid being the first step, and then the Wellbutrin put me over the edge. My mom still is mad at that doctor for prescribing an anti-depressant to someone with psychosis…not being more weary that I could have been bi-polar or schizophrenic.
But all those drugs and no anti-psychotics really messed me up. I was gone. I hit rock bottom so hard I bounced up and down like 5 more times. I’m lucky to be as cognitive as I am today.
I was just too happy to get help of some sort. My psychiatrist at first told me that I had Delusional Paranoia when I asked her what was wrong. I didn’t know what it meant but I accepted her judgement at the time. It was some months later that I learnt that I had paranoid sz. Still I was too delusional to accept or understand my diagnosis. It was the first time in my life that I came across this illness.
I didn’t care. I wasn’t happy either, just indifferent. I still am. Sometimes I get a little sad, but not often.