So my therapy session yesterday was a big waste of time again. I expressed my opinion that I felt that we didn’t talk about anything important and that he isn’t helping me, that we have no rapport. We got a conversation going for about 30 minutes with no answers, then he digressed and it turned into small talk, like he was avoiding the issue. It hadn’t gotten heated or anything. Then here’s the part I don’t get, I said something, I don’t remember what and he didn’t respond. So we actually sat in silence for 5 minutes! He didn’t look at me. It was like a test of wills, who was going to talk first. Its like he’s playing some game with me and I fell for it! How stupid of me.
Finally our session was up, I stood up to leave, he said I’ll see you next week. I said no and you should cancel all the rest of our appointments. He asked why. I said if they are going to be like this one I don’t see the point of it. He said lets not make any rash decisions. I said I just had 5 minutes to think about it plus I’ve obviously been thinking about it for weeks since we discussed my displeasure with therapy earlier. Then I walked out. He later called and left a message saying he hopes I’ll calm down, think things through and come next week. Calm Down! I was very calm, I’m just frustrated. In retrospect, he’s tried to use silence on me in the past and it never went well. And we had the conversation back then that he shouldn’t use it on me. I’ve had really bad experiences with therapists in the past, one made me suicidal because of her incompetence.
I’m sorry this guy ignored your previous request about not doing this… and decided to do the silent thing again…
The part that blows me away these days when I hear about stuff like that… therapy… if not covered by insurance can be expensive. That is a lot of money to sit still with no conversation. You could do that at home for free…
If you decided to continue with the idea of therapy, I hope you find a better therapist. One you can connect to.
There is nothing that gets me keyed up faster then being told to calm down when I am calm. That will just tick me off quickly. Hope you have a better weekend.
This is very unprofessional, Therapists should not be telling you to calm down, when you are calm - A professional therapist would not call and basically beg you back. I would of left him too, you did the right thing it seems
Yes, he knows I have SZA but seems skeptical whenever I bring it up. There are other therapists at the clinic. I’m not sure if I want to even see a therapist, maybe I need a break for a while.
yeah this is basically my therapy sessions. just some small talk and then get drowned into my thoughts again so it silence for the rest of the session just me thinking about random stuff i cant express with words. Im court ordered to go so i cant back out.
O that sucks that you are court ordered. Next week I lose my Medicaid, so I’ll have to figure out insurance and be paying out of pocket. So sitting in silence and my dissatisfaction with therapy isn’t going to fly anymore.
This angers me to hear he’s not even listening to you and does what you’ve asked him specifically NOT to do!
Then he has the big cajones (balls) to expect you to return for more of the same?
I don’t think that would fly with me either.
I doubt I would even give him the courtesy of an explanation for cancelling ALL future apointments with him, and if he calls, give him that “silence” he likes so well.
Hope you won’t write off all Pdocs/therapists Skims, they really do come in a variety of shapes and sizes (as people and personalities do), just remember that what one works for one, may not work for another, and no matter how good someone may sound at first, your mileage may vary.
Maybe make a list of things you want in a therapist, then list the things you don’t want, and present it to the next one for your consultation.
Contributors at Mental Illness Policy wrote this article about asserting a proactive attitude in order to seek quality care: How to Force the System to Give You or Your Family Member Better Care. Some of the examples offered in the article are different than your own. However, the goal is the same. It’s a lot of work that you most likely do not have time for; but if someone else can step in, that might work.
In the state I reside in, therapy fees are waived if individuals cannot afford the servics and do not have any type of insurance, including Medicare. The state picks up the fees.
Thanks for the replies everyone. I like the idea of making a list, thanks Csummers. I finally told my boyfriend what happened, he knew something was up. He seemed to think it was a good idea to go back to this therapist and clear the air, that self advocating would be a step toward empowering myself. I don’t know if I’m up for that, I feel like washing my hands of the whole thing and starting new with someone else.
I most likely would wash my hands of him. His service seems flat and annoying. He seems to be in a position where he needs to self-correct some issues. That’s why I would briefly write a letter to a supervisor that explained I counted on receiving quality therapy sessions and my expectations were not met.
I’m still not sure what to do. What my boyfriend is saying makes a lot of sense to see this therapist and try and clear the air, and I’ll get closure. But on the other hand it will be awkward and painful. I wrote a list of complaints about my treatment and now I’m working on a pros/cons list of seeing the therapist one more time. It would be the adult thing to do, rational. But then it just might be more upsetting. I’m really torn.
Update: I got my Medicaid back!!! They messed up my income at the DSS office. It took all day to straighten it out and a lot of arguing on my part. What a relief.
I met with the pdoc yesterday, apparently he talked with my therapist because he heard “I had a TIFF in therapy last week” !!!?!!! WTF!! So I explained about the silent treatment and he said that the therapist was giving me time to think and talk. And I said it seemed manipulative via the no eye contact and looking down, passive-aggressive like. He should have said I’ll give you a moment to think. The pdoc advised me to meet with the therapist to talk about what happened.
His comment about me having a TIFF really made me angry. Yeah, I’ll admit it, I guess I was kind of childish, but I had had enough. I’ve been dissatisfied with therapy since I started with him last year, and it was good enough for then but not enough for what I need now. I just called the clinic and left a voicemail for the intake coordinator to see about getting a new therapist/social worker.
This is all about money. Your therapist doesn’t want to lose you because it doesn’t look good for him. I’d go shopping for another therapist. You have a right to care about the quality of what you (or Medicaid ) buy.
I had a short go at therapy with someone who did this. We sat in our chairs and nothing was said. This went on for 10-15 minutes and I felt increasingly uncomfortable. It didn’t help that a major problem of mine was, and still is, initiating conversation. If the therapist had done his homework he would have tailored his approach accordingly.
Yeah, I see that now in retrospect that my response was typical.
In that article I posted above the author called it primitive attachment responses. He then goes on to say “When primitive feelings and impulsive or defensive actions emerge in therapy, they can lead to a breakthrough in the client’s ability to experience relationships or deepen access to the client’s feelings and understanding of their personal needs — or they lead to therapeutic failure.”
I kind of feel like I’ve had a breakthrough of sorts. This has caused me to think about what I want from therapy and to come up with some goals. Because before it was kind of aimless, just day-to-day stuff. I guess I’m ready to move on to the bigger problems. I realized a big roadblock to therapy was that the social worker was a man, so my next appointment is with a woman. Hopefully that will feel safer and we can build some trust.