There are people who conflict like that.
There are so many crazy, mixed up aspects to my psychological profile that it defies diagnosis. These kinds of head games are something many sz’s play. That’s the essence of sz.
Have you tried using any of that Sarcosine this forum backs up? I have found it to be helpful in letting me think in more singular way instead of being double minded that causes me to cancel myself out when trying to be decisive. I have gone a few weeks at the most between running out and receiving more in the mail to know that it seems to have a lasting effect.