What a waste of time it is, when if you’re only reading it to get a fix. Then there’s the 18 month rule, that if you buy one book, give it said amount of time and you’ll buy another one. For me, it’s the articles that are my trouble and lately I’ve been trying to read too many to count. My father may have had a short fuse, but he didn’t like it. It’s killing me and I’ve had enough!
Don’t give up. Self help yourself by just being you and not trying to improve a while? You can be your own motivation, you don’t need it from a book which is what you are gathering from the sounds of your post. good luck.
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@anon96671092 Taking care of yourself includes doing fun or relaxing things that you enjoy.
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I would suggest praying to a certain religious figure/God to help you, but I’m not sure that is allowed on this forum. 
That’s it. Make the best of it.
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Thanks for the support! Although, I must admit I feel like hell right now. These emotions are hard to deal with, but I know I need to give it time.