I feel the same. I trust myself that I am good and not going to do anything illegal or against my or others values and morals and principles.
I have violent and sexual and spiritual and hateful and condemning thoughts and things in my head that would only be appreciated in creative things like music and tv shows and movies. I am in complete control of my actions. I tell myself this is a completely scientific and medical issue that is causing these thoughts and feelings that becomes delusions if I believe them.
I tell myself they feel like reality but are a medical issue. The meds like pherphenazine help clear up the thoughts and a low dose of Abilify clears up the feelings. When things clear up for a couple of hours or days I look back and say now the reality is like these thought broadcasting situations never even existed and where from schizophrenia.
I couldn’t put up a fight until I started a low dose of 7mg of Abilify which took those shameful guilty completely unbearable feelings away. Sometimes for me not having control of my self condemning feelings towards myself would not let me put up a fight. Those out of my control feelings where worse than the thoughts. The hardest fight for me was the feelings that I am the worst person who ever lived or will live. I did not feel part of anything that was good. I lost all trust in myself. Fight to trust yourself if you are diagnosed with SZ it is a complete medical issue. My dad fought cancer and won. Try to find out if fear is involved with the thought broadcasting or feelings. Things like what are you fearing like loss of control or being controlled or is fear stopping you from not moving forward and continuing to build and grow and overcome and improve in any areas of life. I have been hospitalized for a month straight and relapsed and I believe I really responded well to the small 7mg dose of Abilify and as long as it keeps working I am going to keep working on myself and fight for myself for as long as I can. Sometimes now I kind of look forward to the next bought because I see I am gaining more confidence each time I fight not to believe what feels like reality but turns out be a psychosis I was experiencing from a medical issue.
Yea I had to switch from coffee to tea and maybe that helped a little bit it’s still there whenever triggers are. It’s not as strong as before tho … I hope it goes away soon because I don’t want to give up my tea
I have a believe that I am being gangstalked at my job and that they can see me telepathically and hear my thoughts. Trust me I know how it feels to not tell what’s really going on
Usually the strategy is to fill my life with negativity… Isolate me from what can help push me to anger and then condemm me for being such a negative angry person… I have no doubt in my mind this is a flaw in human nature just like my many failings
Oh man, I feel so sorry, all that negative selftalk in your head. I hope you get get into positive selftalk soon. You are worth to have positivity. You deserve positivity.
No it’s not. You didn’t come into this world with the ability to think, you trained it after you learned how to speak and you can untrain your instinct to keep thinking, you’ll still have opinions you just won’t think them but be in the moment. Thinking is simply a habit, like smoking, just harder to quit. There are people with aphantasia and anauralia that don’t have internal lives at all. I have aphantasia but I don’t have anauralia, yet I trained myself to not use the inner monologue outside of very specific scenarios, like reading, I did it by forcing myself to think in a foreign language I didn’t have the vocabulary for and trying to focus on my breath and my surroundings, eventually the instinct to think disappeared and it became a proactive choice. I had thought broadcasting as a delusion but other than deciding to not read the number of my debit card pin in my head and memorized the hand pattern in punching it in instead, it didn’t affect me much at all. I don’t think around other people, ever. The idea that you think my personal experience impossible as a concept baffles me, I don’t know what to say. I am saying you can do it because I did it and learned the skills to neutralize it before I had the delusion. Still I think even just thinking in a foreign language you think people wouldn’t understand could help with some of the paranoia, so it wouldn’t be an impediment from doing what I did and learning not to think. It took me 3 months of constantly trying 24/7, I did it the Summer I was 14. I don’t think it’s a worthless endeavor and it came in handy last year when I had thought broadcasting as a delusion, if you want to give it an honest try I see nothing wrong with that, it’s quite low effort as far as 24/7 stuff goes and 3 months isn’t that long and if you don’t see improvements after 2 weeks you can quit.
I get them all the time. I think a mind reading microchip was inserted into my brain and allows people to read my mind on the internet. It’s humiliating and scary.
Just remember it’s all in your head. I do and I’ve been feeling better because of it.
What kind of meditation do you want to try? Some types might exasperate the SZ (Kundalini, etc.) Mindfulness is a good one for letting thoughts come and go without following them, but if you’ve faced trauma in the past, it might improve memory, which can be very hard on those with PTSD. They’ll remember stuff with more clarity…not always a good thing.
