Thanks for posting. I had dissociation quite badly just following trauma. Would be completely unresponsive and unaware of my surroundings. It was a real scary experience for those around me. Now, not anymore, except for a regular mild detachment when something happens that stresses me out.
Did anyone else have this?
what is the findings on those who were raised with money and helicopter parents
and basically on the surface on problems or abuse.
Not saying they don’t deserve it, but this is another of blaming others.
for instance, Phil was beaten as a child, by his whole family,
he was the youngest, and they thought they should teach him a lesson,
even with fists to the head.
He appears to be fine as an adult, just addictions.
Yeah. Phil seems to be a nice guy.
he gets angry sometimes
but we’re working on it.
We’re on two years, one of the longest relationships I’ve ever had,
and never had another guy live with me.
I certainly would have still had “issues” @Daze, even if raised ideally. However, I was abused, neglected, molested, and generally an “outsider” socially for as long as I can remember. The events and environment that made up my childhood absolutely further damaged and distorted who I became as an adult. It’s not about blaming, for me, it’s about being clear regarding contributing factors and working towards healing and managing my learned reactions and state of mind.
Was I already “different” at birth? Certainly, but my environment absolutely made things (me) worse.
@Daze, i personally find this a strange and unkind remark.
It’s real simple: abuse causes pain and fear. In many cases so badly that it causes mental illness. I don’t see why people want to deny that. Acknowledging it is not wrong or blaming others, you can still see your own weaknesses TOO. It is just acknowledging that there is a problem, and what caused or contributed to the problem, and seeing a starting point of healing.
Different people have experienced different types of abuse, in different circumstances and with different effects. Different people have different breaking points and different ways of breaking - one will get addicted, the other dissociates, still another gets depressed or psychotic.
In my case, I seemed (SEEMED!) fine after sexual and emotional abuse and several other experiences. But when my son was under threat for years and I couldn’t protect him, I broke. My personal way of breaking was dissociation, fear and psychosis. Literally a few days after child protection said they’d hand over my child to our abuser, I became psychotic. I think there is nothing wrong with stating I got ill because of abuse. I also know what made me vulnerable to abuse. Other people might have not had the same response, but that is of no importance - i did. And many do.
I see it like this…… a car accident can cause all sorts of problems depending on many circumstances. Some people are fine after. Some people have bruises. Some people have trauma. Some people have broken bones. Some people are paralyzed and in a wheelchair. Some people die. Would you go around telling someone who was paralyzed because of a car accident and struggles with that… “hey, you can’t say that, that’s blaming others…my husband had a car accident too and he was fine!”.
BTW: if Phil is addicted, he is not fine. There is a reason for his addictions. Acknowledging that is the starting point for healing, in my humble opinion.
I’m pretty sure I had trauma in college. I remember discrete bits of it now. I had severe DP/DR. I already mentioned it. No need to beat a dead horse as they say. My parents, while well meaning, and doctors ignore this. They think it is schizophrenia. That I’m delusional or it is all in my head. I remember stuff from the future too, so it is very confusing.
I remember one incident in childhood but I’m sure it was in a parallel universe.
I doubt that was the cause of my dissociation. I was a bit spacey as a kid. I had altered sense of time and missing time as a kid. I dont know if this was from a past life/ parallel universe. I keep coming back alive around 2010-2013 while dissociated. I might have amnesia which makes me think I’ve only been around since 2011 at most meaning my mind is just “7 years old”.
In college, I thought I initially was abducted by aliens. Looking back 7 years later, it seems more complicated. I do remember seeing a black craft by the food court now while walking home and seeing aliens inside or men inside. But it could have easily been a past or parallel life.
My vision was really bad and my senses were really dulled or distorted. I couldn’t tell I was real for 7 years at most. It caused great suffering.
I don’t have victim mentality
that’s why a lot of people like me.
@Daze. Neither do I. I just don’t like it (also for others who read it) if people blame others who were abused for being in pain/fear/etc. I think it is perfectly normal to be hurt by abuse and that shouldn’t be made into something abnormal.
There is a world of difference between simply being open that you have a problem (dissociation), that there was a cause (abuse) and that you’d like to hear how others experienced that because it was a frightening experience… and a victim mentality.
I only started healing when I acknowledged I was abused and it hurt me and these feelings were normal human responses. It made it possible to move out of an abusive situation, stop defending the perpetrator, understand his and my own responsibility in it (e.g. why I choose an abusive guy as a lover), change my choices and lifestyle and fight to heal the damage done and have a good life again. I acknowledged the problem and the cause. How else can I solve it? How can I help others who go through the same?
How is this a victim mentality?
Maybe I should just ignore your posts, but I also work with lots of people who were so incredibly damaged by abuse. It kind of hurts if people downplay the effects of abuse, because I see daily what it causes in many people.
Perhaps I put a lot of emphasis on trauma, but I think it is so very very important and often too little is done with it in psychiatry.
Most of all, I want attention for it, because it offers hope for treatment and improvement. “I have a genetic, biological, untreatable, progressive brain disease” is something that gets me stuck in a passive and hopeless patient role. “I have trauma and we are going to work together to heal this” gets me in a really hopeful role, where I can actually know the causes and work hard to change things for the better. Perhaps that’s just me, but it makes me feel better if there is attention for this. It’s the part that can be healed, or at least has hope for healing, and it can be prevented too in some cases, if children/people are helped out of abusive situations.
It also takes away a part of the stigmatization for me. When I see the homeless, addicted, ill people I work with… I don’t think “you are such a weak person for being like that”. I think “wow, what have you been through” and “it could have happened to me as well, I’ve just had more luck with the circumstances I was born in”.
I had to share my son with my abusive ex because of court orders too. He abused him and now, since he was 18, my son chooses no contact with that monster…
I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through, @anon73478309. I understand. 
️
Thanks @Hedgehog! I needed that. 
You’ve been through lots more than I can even imagine, and your son as well, I too am sorry for that. I admire your strength and dont think there is anything wrong with you for being different, you seem like a kind person. I am glad to hear your son is now “free”, brave choice of him.
In our case, the court eventually decided to ignore cps and stop contact. My son is living in good circumstances. He does not want to see his father either.
I think it is not doing justice to kids like my son and yours, if childhood abuse is being minimalized. Children should never be forced into abusive circumstances by courts or cps and thus I want everyone to know how important it is to prevent abuse.
Thank you. And I agree that more people need to speak up and do something. Children aren’t property to be divided…
I think we need to acknowledge the very real distress caused by abuse and trauma without going down the intellectually false path of seeing those things as a stand alone cause of psychosis. Does it complicate things and possibly/probably make things worse for the individual in terms of the psychosis itself ? -yes .