My delusion was that I was raising the savior of the world. It gave me a sense of purpose. I have believed this since we’ll before I had kids; since I was a kid myself.
It wasn’t without its problems though. The older my child has gotten, the further from saving the world she seems to be. This would cause me deep depression for letting the world down and 9 hospitalizations for suicidal ideation or attempts.
But now that medication has taken away this delusion, I feel that the lights have gone out in me. The depression isn’t as severe, but it’s lingering and I just feel blah.
Sorry you’ve experienced all this. I can relate a little but definitely not exactly.
“The lights are out” they used to say the lights are on for you to other schizos at AA meetings but not say it to me so I figured mine must be out but now I feel much more on
I had a delusion similar, that I/and my daughter were reincarnations of Jesus. The thing is - we are both special, just special to each other. And to be honest, that is preferable.
I lost absolutely everything, my home, money (including benefits as I cancelled them, thinking I was set to inhert money to fund my causes), custody of my daughter for a while, my ex husband.
I ended up living alone in a basement flat, with nothing and no one. Most of my friends sided with my ex, and rightfully so (because my behaviour had been dreadful).
Eventually I went back on medication, which helped. I also decided to stop believing in the things I’d believed, not jsut the delusion but my original faith. It broke my heart and I felt so alone, but it helped my mental heath over time.
Now I’m doing a lot better. I don’t enjoy the dishes but I do them because they need to be done. It’s the little things I do that matter, that make me a more reponsible mother. Over and over, the mundane tasks are very boring but eventually I let go of the excitement of mania and try to focus on the things that matter more.
I’m sorry if you’re struggling in this @rocket. Have you talked it over with anyone else?
I have had this exact delusion. I’m embarrassed to say though . BecaUse its That I thought I was Jon. The father of Jesus. When that was Joseph. Jon was the Baptist. But shows how much I know about the Bible …. I had this delusion too never had kids tho.
Cleaning is like the myth of syphisus. What goes up must come down:what gets clean must get dirty again. Same wit cutting the grass.
I’m very lazy. I wish wish wish more than anything I was organized. I think I’d much rather that than be or be responsible for parenting the “savior”.
I wouldn’t feel comfortable with this unless I learned how to take care of my chores/self. I’d feel inadequate.
There are many different perspectives with our delusions I guess??
But just pondering that “this Jesus” finds self preservation and organization to be just as important as influence.and maybe can increase your influence. Although you can’t spend as much time educating yourself on the folly’s, plights and downfalls of humanity and how to fix it it’s just as important. Balance and homelife.
Idk i read a spiritual text once in eastern philosophy that said caring for your home is a top priority. I don’t remember things like that word for word anymore??? Or how to explain them as best as the author did. But that was the gist.
because it mightve been that concept just i cant remember the exact book
we cant talk about religion much but this stuff has really helped me
Nourishing life is the foundation of Taoist practice and lifestyle. Living in accord with the natural rhythms of the Tao. These patterns include sleep, diet, bathing, movement and quiet practices, and practicing integrity.
its just something id like to live by not that i actually do though but little by little im improving
I had this delusion too never had kids tho.
but little by little im improving