I am usually “with” myself. I call that a split personality.
1 Like
I am usually by myself. I call that team work.
3 Likes
Well, ever since pretty close to the onset of this thing I started to feel like parts of me couldn’t properly communicate, which lead to some of that feeling of being “with”. Usually it’s my heart that has problems communicating with my brain but it happened with parts of the brain itself as well.
Usually this plays out as a small chest knot, in order to overcome the knot I need to dissociate from the heart and establish a one way communication with it where I try different approaches for getting the knot to go away, mainly reassuring it that I’m there and it shouldn’t feel lonely, usually the process involves the heart responding through bodywide tingles and warmth spreading from it to my whole body.
To avoid the chest knot in the first place or to deal with a knot I can’t find a way to dissolve directly, I will sometimes simply go through life sharing directly my experience with my heart instead of localizing it in my brain and letting the heart neurons do whatever it is heart neurons do, as would be natural, which completely sidesteps the whole knot-noknot dynamic as it utilizes the same “space”. When I do that, that’s when I feel like I’m “with” myself as opposed to simply feeling “with” the most because there’s that same sense of internal duality without any actual differentiators that are present only when I notice an information gap within me of some sort.
This whole dynamic with my heart is pretty much the main positive of Schizophrenia in my quality of life because before it started I had had this small chest knot constantly for at least a couple years and was doing nothing about it. Initially it disappeared on its own during psychosis, then this whole sharade started in the periods where I wasn’t psychotic which is why I never even brought this up with my psychiatrist because it sounds more psychotic than the stuff I come up with during psychosis and it would just mislead her about my current symptoms in my opinion; plus I don’t even necessarily believe my interpretation of what’s going on but I don’t know how to put it any better.
I don’t think that’s what having a split personality is though, nor that the specifics of my experience are in some way directly linked with Schizophrenia.
My entire life i was very good friends with myself so I was duel. In my adult life he turned into a frenemy. Then he was all bad, an enemy. I think I need to integrate my dark side into my conscious side. I have many selves and I don’t believe that’s uncommon.
My pdoc said there’s no medicine for D. I. D.
This topic was automatically closed 7 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.