Sorry for my negative post earlier - am I getting worse?

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I just felt so bad and wanted to tell someone. I didn’t want to tell my sister that I cut, because i didn’t want to upset her. She has problems of her own. She did tell me i must share when i need help but i felt hesitant as i dont want to place burden on her. But i had to tell someone - so I turned to you guys. Waiting to see a new pdoc and will tell him/her

I don’t know if my sza is getting worse or what. When I first got it, it was a very gradual decline with one symptom coming up at a time, then I got gradually better after a few years

After my relapse five years later, it got gradually worse. It started with depression then moods and then paranoia came, then only about two years later the voices started getting worse.

As years passed and my awareness of my sza grew, I noticed my symptoms more. But it seems like it got worse

After my relapse Alien the evil spirit revealed himself in 2015 and Sarah the good spirit in 2018 - although I felt her presence in 2015 already.

And now I noticed Alien doesn’t only torment me with inserted thoughts and his voice, but tries to control me. I started noticing it when I was in hospital the last time in 2019. He’d want to try kill people or animals using me. This hasn’t happened much before but if I reduced my meds too much it’d happen and caused a lot of distress

I don’t know if I’m getting worse or if it’s just because I’m aware more of my sza after learning a lot.

Now that I’m getting a divorce the stress is making it worse and I’m hearing voices a little more than usual. And inserted thoughts and paranoia worse too

The only thing still under control is the severe depression. The lamotrigine is helping with it still.

But psychosis a little worse. Is it worsening over time? Or is it just stress? Or a greater awareness? I dunno…

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I’m not sure. When do you see your dr?

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I am waiting for a phone call to tell me where to go and when. I got a referral letter from my old pdoc and my sister emailed it to state hospital pdocs and they need to get my old files from two state hospitals i was in before calling me. I guess it will be after Christmas or new year only

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Sometimes for some people stress makes it worse. I hope it gets easier for and the doctor can help.

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I am so sorry you’re getting divorced. I got divorced in January of this year and it’s definitely stressful. But I feel like my ex-husband is better off without me. And my 17 year old son has come to live with me after staying with his father for the past two years. My ex-husband and my son have a good relationship and my son has a good relationship with me too.

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Well, it’s probably stress. Hopefully you make it until your appointment

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yea sounds like stress, i hope you can see your new pdoc soon. Stress is a b*tch for sure.

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Lucifer wants to use me in order to do evil things

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Go to the ER if you think you have to hurt yourself or anyone else

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There’s no one here to take me. I can’t drive. I have visions and I’m agitated

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I understand completely - Alien does this to me too.

The most important thing is - are you safe? If not then talk to someone or get help at hospital

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As night falls, symptoms subside. I’m better. If tomorrow the same will persist, I will do something

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Does your meds not help? Do you perhaps need to go on higher dose? Maybe contact your pdoc on phone or email

Hope you feel better soon!

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Call for an ambulance

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I’m better now. It’s time for sleep here. If I sleep well, I’ll be OK tomorrow. If not good, I will try to go to a hospital. I’m in a remote area, I don’t think an ambulance would come for my voices alone. Thank you very much

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I’m glad you’re feeling better. Good luck for tomorrow

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Divorce is a big stressor.
Allow some time for yourself.

Make sure you stay in close contact with your doctor especially during this stressful time.

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Yeah Earthchild I would write down everything you told us and tell your pdoc

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