Once on medication, I feel it’s hard to communicate my wants and needs. I mean the doctors give you 5-15 minutes and you’re all drugged up. It’s really asymmetrical. Unfair. The doctor is in a position of power. I always feel rushed when talking to my doctor. And I don’t want to upset him.
Mainly, that’s how I felt in the hospital. But that’s the hospital setting. I had no control over which medication I wanted and how much. It’s sort of like magic. Still, I guess it’s best to write down your thoughts and desires on paper and give it to your doctor. Maybe have a close family member come in with you.
My parents advocate for me and have documents to intervene when necessary. Doctors aren’t gods.
Some doctors are quacks.
If I had to bet money, I would bet you have schizophrenia. I know for me, once I started medication initially, I started getting more schizophrenia symptoms; mainly negative symptoms. I’m pretty sure I now have schizophrenia, whether it was induced or not. Now, I’m doing better on medication. Maybe I somehow developed a more serious illness over the years. They say schizotypal PD can lead to schizophrenia. Initially, I was diagnosed with drug-induced psychosis. That was 7 years ago.
In my situation, I don’t have visual or auditory hallucinations. I believe I’ve been psychotic, but do I really have full-blown schizophrenia? Most of the time, I can act normal even while psychotic. I mind my p’s and q’s. I believe this means I have insight and self-control.
I believe I live in a computer simulation most days. I believe we’re not real sometimes. I believe in aliens. I have severe anxiety, fear, and mild paranoia about this. One time, I did get really agitated about this and other concepts while off medications and I was forced into the hospital. To me, it’s worth taking the right medication. It took me 6 years to figure this out. Like me, you question or maybe lack insight about the disease. I do have severe, bizarre, and disabling delusions, but I believe my case is special because my delusions were real in parallel universes or in different computer programs. I actually was there living those lives.
Sometimes, I feel like I can outsmart my psychosis. But it’s still there, constantly. My parents are there to remind me I need medications daily. I don’t want to upset them. You must be really high functioning if you can work or run a business. Your negative symptoms must be minimal. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I do remember you suffer from positive symptoms, right?
I really can’t say whether you have schizophrenia or not, whether you need medications or not, or whatever.
But you may want to talk to your family and doctor before getting of medications. Maybe get a second opinion?