I was right about the major disorders, Schizotypal and Post Concussive syndrome, but I have my official diagnosis since getting the results from my testing.
PTSD
Severe and Chronic Anxiety
"Other Specified Depressive Disorder"
Schizotypal Personality Disorder
Post Concussive Syndrome
I received a recommendation for disability from the psychologist, so there’s that at least. I very nearly had to go to the hospital on friday, I was screaming at my doctors. I also didn’t mention it to them, but I woke up that day with a razorblade cut on my arm. I don’t remember doing it.
They put me on an anxiety medication, buspar, to help keep me somewhat stable while they try to figure out how to move forward with the treatment.
STPD is considered a “Schizophrenia Spectrum” disorder, it’s like the aspergers of schizophrenia. Patients with STPD are also likely to have psychotic episodes, and show many of the same outward symptoms as a schizophrenic patient would. The main difference really is the way it manifests in the patients affect, and illusions are a lot more common than hallucinations. Patients with STPD tend to be seen as more eccentric, like… You know how I dress. Sure, it’s cool, but it’s a compulsory thing and I know that. The gender fluidity part of that as well I think. I think I honestly own more women’s clothes than men’s at this point. For this reason it’s not uncommon for STPD to go unnoticed for long periods of time. People just think “Oh I have a strange child, well it is 2016.”. STPD is also very similar in functional deficits to Borderline Personality disorder.
The psychologist thinks I need to go to some kind of therapy. She thinks my anxiety disorder is the result of lifelong traumatic stress levels.
As for the depressive disorder, i’m not entirely sure. I think she might be considering my nihilist tendencies. She also said that I have exceptionally poor self esteem
Well I have a handful of “disorders” too. What should be noted is that a red flag appears when a patient is dx’d with like five things; it means the doctors aren’t really sure on what is going on and are shooting your case five times instead of one clean headshot.
But it is also possible that you actually have all five. I show symptoms of several, or at least have in the past. I am officially stamped with what is most accurately called chronic paranoid schizophrenia with acute exacerbation and comorbid Asperger’s syndrome.
“Crazy retard”
More like highly systematic and creative. A soon to be doctoral student, just interviewed for two programs and went well. Don’t let your illness define you. Write your own story. You’re not a bunch of disorders, you’re a human being who suffers more intensely than most other human beings. I argue that you are more human as opposed to less human because of your mental illness.
Hope this helps give you a picture of what is going on. And it’s perfect that you are compliant with treatment and the authority of the doctors. It took me over a year to comply and now I am looking to become a clinical psychologist. You’re doing better in that realm that I did. I never really qualified for disability, more like I became agitated and quite energetic. I was practically disabled when it first hit me, with me being mis dx’d with major depression and put on Prozac. That and the pot made me very impaired relative to my previous and current performance. You should take care of yourself and put recovery first every hour of every day. I would know, I have been through that. I’m still in recovery, it is a lifelong process. You just reach milestones such as “fully functional” and then there are more like “quit being single”.
But the milestones are only relevant if you choose to take the certain path and then the certain forks in the road.
You’re a person first and disorders after the fact that you exist. You should think of yourself as an inidivudual with mental illness and not ashamed of it. Don’t let mental illness come before your name. Maybe if you get a PhD or MD you should consider a label coming before your name.
I agree with all of the disorders, they all have specific causes and are represented in the symptoms. The trouble is the anxiety, how much is anxiety and how much is paranoia? What causes the intrusive thoughts and morbid obsessions? How come I don’t have the normal associated delusions? I think my tendency toward over incorporation and intellectualization as a coping method staves off delusions, but feeds the anxiety and creates a great deal of crippling paranoia in social situations. I wonder if I have comorbid OCD. I should probably talk to the psychologist, maybe look into the features of ocd some more.
Your doctor is usually going to be a better judge of what info is relevant to your treatment than you are. Full disclosure is the best policy if you are seeking the fullest amount of recovery possible.
With the diagnoses sorted out perhaps you can feel secure in having a solid foundation for your insight into your illness. Which you seem to have a lot of.
A list like that will get you on disability within a few months.
Remember to relax and stay away from substances… and relax… its ■■■■■■■ key.
Then perhaps you can start chipping away at what you can. It does sound like the right meds will help you out big time. That’s a lot of stuff compounded together.
Anxiety and paranoia feed off each other in a cycle. They’re called vicious cycles. Like the circle of life gone wrong. Like others are saying, keep working with the doctors, and the intrusive thoughts are covered by the other disorders.
This new medication has helped me understand what is going on a lot better, but honestly I worry about the opposite. I’m not going to say crippling anxiety is a good thing, but I feel like it drowned out delusions. You know? The anxiety is mostly just panicky noise and like my head feels a lot more empty now that i’m on this anxiety medication, but it doesn’t help paranoia. The paranoia feels a hell of a lot darker, you know?
Like, “you should bring a baseball bat to pick up your girlfriend later, the people she lives with are going to hurt you.”
“Tyler did this to you, you know where he lives, you’re going to kill him”
That was all drowned out by the “maybe she doesn’t like you” “she’s probably sleeping with them right now” “You’re ugly, you need to lose weight, you fit exactly the profile of a patient who kills himself”
I think you should mention the cut and just downplay it, but emphasize that you don’t remember doing it. They have pinpointed that you have post traumatic symptoms, which means there is a foundation for a disocciative disorder. But disocciative disorders are the masters of hiding and secrecy among all the disorders. They are very difficult to detect, and can easily masquerade as other disorders. So it’s worth it to give your professionals this valuable clue.
